OT: Advice Please!

[Odin's Momma]

I really need some advice guys.

 

DH and I have decided to *try* to get pregnant. We both feel we're ready and we'd like to get started soon so that if I can't get pregnant, we can get started on adoption as soon as possible.

 

Now there are 2 seperate things I need advice on.

 

The first is not really an advice thing, I guess I just need reassurance. I love Odin so much, much more than a person should probably love a dog I guess. Now I'm having these nightmares that as soon as there's a baby in the picture I'll become one of 'those' people who abandon the dogs they used to love because they have something 'better'. I can't imagine it ever happening but it happens all the time . . . someone please tell me I won't end up like 'those' people! :confused:

 

Alright, second, and this is where the advice comes in. My in laws are against us having children. What the heck do I do in a situation like this!? We just want them to support us but they want us to wait 5 more years! If I can't get pregnant it may take 5 years or longer to adopt a child so I'd like to get started ASAP!

 

Has anyone gone through either of these things? Any words of wisdom?

[bskeeter]

Kee,

I don't know your situation right now, but I don't know why your in-laws would be against you having children. I think that decision is for you and your husband to make.

 

As for being "one of those people who abandon their dogs" I really don't think that will happen. Not after reading all your posts about Odin. There is no way you will give Odin up. He is part of your life FOREVER.

 

Good luck on your decision.

[Odin's Momma]

My mother in law is a worry wart, that's basically why they want us to wait. And when I saw worry wart, I'm not joking . . . she calls my husband every morning at 6am to make sure he's up for work Oh yea, and when we bought a new alarm clock she insisted on setting it herself to make sure it worked properly

 

ps: Thanks for the reassurance about Odin

[KrisK]

Okay..here's my 2 cents

I have a great daughter who is in her early 30's and has a wonderful partner.

I have ALWAYS told her...It is YOUR decision whether to have children or not. I don't have an opinion or a say in it. I'm not the one raising them...you are.

If you have children, I will be as good a grandparent as I can be....if you don't have children, that suits me just fine.

So, in as nice a way as you can possibly muster, let your in-laws know that it is YOUR decision...not theirs and hopefully they will get the message. Good luck, with whatever you decide

[Odin's Momma]

If only we could have that kind of support

 

I know my m.i.l doesn't *want* to worry so much, she has a disorder of some kind and she can't help it, she's just a chronic worrier. I'm sure she'd love to NOT be one!

 

So we want her to support us but we don't want to hurt her feeling either. We're trying to find the middle ground where we are sensitive to her condition and she's supportive of our decision to start a family.

 

Sigh, all of this stress is not good for someone trying to get preggers!

[HCBell]

I bet when it happens she will be excited, plus there will be a whole new set of things to worry about. LOL

 

Bless you for considering her thoguhts, but this is a descision for you and Hubby. as for Odin, He will be just fine, When I had Patrick, I was worried about poor Rusty RIP, but I still had time for him, and he loved the baby. When he passed this year at 12, Patrick was 6 and Alison was 3. Now I am working with new puppy Roxie. Kids and dogs are great with training and supervision.

 

Good luck on your new adventure.

[nancy]

Growing up (1950s), I saw just how much my parents had do do because of my father's mother. See, she had a congenital heart problem and "was likely to die any minute". As I got older, I realized that she had been getting her way on this all her life. Yes, she did have a serious heart defect. But, heck, she died at 72!

 

Until she died, our Christmas day was: up early and open presents at the tree, eat breakfast, pile in the car and drive 2 hours to Ma & Pa's place, open presents under their tree with our cousins (who came to eastern Massachusetts from Wilkes-Barre, PA for at least 2 nights), eat horrible roast capon (neutered fatty rooster to you fortunates who never forced it down), get sick and lie on the oil-cloth covered couch in the dining room with an elderly flatulant cocker spaniel on my face, drive home.

 

And our one week of vacation was our whole family sharing a large room with my aunt, uncle, and younger cousin upstairs in a summer cabin that had been built by 3 drunk Englishmen on a side road within walking distance of a holding resevoir for cranberry bogs. Had to go through the strung sheets, past the relatives' bed, down the stairs, and out the path to the outhouse. Men bathed, in turns, in the galvanized pan in the kitchen one evening a week; women, another. Pump on the back porch - wood stove in the kitchen. The "lake" had a colorful skim on top from the 1/2 HP boats of the fishermen, who left stuff like horned pout floating where we swam.

 

I vowed no one would tell me what we would do when once I formed my own family. And I vowed I would never pressure my kids to do what suited me best.

 

It's your life. Learn to sing the lyrics to favorite songs in your head while MIL talks. Smile and nod. And do what the heck you and your husband want!

 

Elders should be respected and loved. But kow-towing is above and beyond. I wish my mother had had the stamina to stand up to my grandmother - and to ignore my father's "but she might die". Hey, any of us might.

[bc friend]

IMO, it is your husband's responsibility to respectfully let his parents know that this is his and your decision to make, not theirs.

 

As for abandoning Odin, I can't see you doing that from your posts. Obviously if you're going to have kids, Odin will need some additional training regarding babies and what is and isn't permissible with them. If he isn't used to kids, now is the time to start desensatizing him to them. Just my 2 cents worth.

[Betsy]

You won't abandon Odin. The kind of people that do that would have never been on a discussion board such as this in the first place.

 

As far as the in-laws go, that's a tough situation. My first reaction was, "Whoa, overbearing MIL!" But then you explained she has some sort of disorder, which doesn't necessairly excuse the behavior, just explains it. I agree wtih bc friend that it should be your husband to breech this subject with them.

 

And I know you didn't ask for this, but here's some good websites for fertility help (not for those having trouble, just for those trying to conceive naturally!):

 

About charting: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/start.html#Q0

 

If you're interested in charting, you should get the book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It's the best. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006093764...glance&n=283155

 

Cheap pregnancy tests and ovulation tests (with free shipping!): http://www.babywishes.org/

 

I know lots about this stuff, feel free to PM me if you have questions! I charted to conceive my first, and now we're going for baby #2.

[Maralynn]

Kee, as for dogs and babies, a year ago when I agreed to work full time as a nanny, my "job benefit" was bringing my dog along - I was concerned I wouldn't be giving her enough attention otherwise.

 

She has made the transition really well, and has discovered that toddlers not only feed you, but never run out of energy to throw the ball!

 

She is patient with the boys, and they love her

 

 

 

 

If you and your husband are both ready for children, you should go for it! MIL will get used to it!

[Jack & Co.]

Kee, I have been where you are. I've been married almost 22 years and my husband was an only child; I'm the oldest of four. Please draw the line now, before any children arrive, and set rules for your MIL. For instance, I would not answer the telephone at 6:00 a.m.; tell her hubby is a big boy and he knows how to wake up to an alarm clock. It is none of their business when you start a family and do not let them even have an opinion. In the same regard, keep your private business private; she can't comment on what she doesn't know. All of her worrying will transfer to the baby unless you establish some firm ground rules this instant.

 

It has taken 22 years, but I've finally sawed through the apron strings and I actually find my MIL pretty decent company. She has calmed down and is able to enjoy her grandsons now that she understands that they are going to get sick, wrists are going to be broken, chins will have to be sewn up at the emergency room, etc. My oldest son received his Eagle Scout award this past Sunday and my MIL thoughtfully had an Eagle cake made and did all of the decorating which was spectacular. I was most appreciative, but it took me years to get to that level!

 

Good luck!

[BustopherJones]

Advice: Keep the dog...put the in-laws up for adoption...

 

I am an "in-law". It is not my place to question the decisions made by my son and his wife, regardless how I may personally feel about those decisions; it is, after all, their lives to live (and, in some cases, their mistakes to make), and when they want my advice they ask for it. It IS my place to provide them with support (moral and financial) when they need it. My in-laws thought DW and I were too young to get married, but never interfered; now, with us about to celebrate our 40th anniversary, I would say that their concerns were unfounded.

 

As to the dog, I can only say that when our sons were born, we never had a problem between the kids and the dogs. Wisdom dictates that it would be wise to observe the interactions closely in the beginning, but I would not anticipate that you would have a problem. Our BC loves kids (as does our "eclectic"), and is very gentle in dealing with them.

 

As far as trying to have kids, if you need any advice, just ask...never mind, this is a family board, and I get sent to my crate often enough as it is...

[Lunar]

Hey Kee, congrats on starting the trying to conceive journey. I second what Betsy said, I'm charting for #1 (still unlucky as of yet!).

 

I doubt I'd be able to put up with your MIL! O.O I think, because you KNOW she has a condition, you know it's not your fault, that she is going to complain no matter WHAT you do, that you should just nod and smile, and then ignore her. You obviously can't arrange your family and your life around her worries - and shouldn't! So she is just going to have to get used to the fact that you and her son are going to do things your own way.

 

And ANYONE calling at 6am at this house would get yelled at; I am NOT a morning person.

[Piper]

I have a 10 month old boy right now, learning to crawl and learning to throw the ball for Piper. I haven't forgotten our BC Piper, we still go on daily walks and she still gets lots of attention and is still my first child.

 

As for trying to conceive...well I have no advice, we were lucky, at 34 it took us 3 weeks of trying and ta-da...I was pregnant! (my husband was hoping for more practice) . Thank god for effective birth control all those years! However, there are a lot of resources out there on fertility.

 

We're now talking about child #3 (Piper was first, baby boy was second and now looking at adopting a Border Collie as the 3rd ). The other week we were a hour too late on adopting a BC that was at our shelter.

[Jen C]

While my in-laws aren't overbearing on this issue - I hear ya... and I have a very good friend whose father in law was adamant that she and her husband weren't ready - he was very vocal about it... to the point where she was very very upset. But - they were ready, they didn't ask permission, since they are adults and it is none of their parents business (since they weren't asking for the parents to support the child - and I am assuming that neither are you). A few months ago, they got pregnant and told their parents. They didn't apologize, they told them their great news - and made it clear that their feeling on the issue was - get on board or go away... it will only be your loss. The parents, while wrong to have ever expressed an opinion (and, from stories, generally ridiculously rude and intrusive), got on board. Being in the lives of their kids and grandkids ws important enough to them to make them get in line... I wouldn't say anything yet - cause it's not their business, but, when the time comes, tell them the GREAT news and then expect them to get on board. If they don't, I agree that it is hubby's job to make things very clear... this is YOUR family now...

 

That said - Odin is your family too - just the level of concern you have shown by worrying about this is evidence that you will never "drop" him for a human baby. Things will change, sure... there will be adjustments to make, of course - but you, who are committed to making it work, will make it work and your family will be one (or more) bigger! When you have your second, third or fourth child, you don't love the first any less - your heart just grows...

[Odin's Momma]

After reading all your posts and giving it some thought, I've come to the conclusion that it's just best to give up on any hope of them actually supporting us pre-pregnancy. Which is saddening because we really could use it. But it's better to just accept what WON'T happen and move on. Hopefully they'll have a change of heart when there is a grandchild on the way.

 

Thanks for the advice and the reassurances about Odin. I really was freaked out over it. I thought it would be one of those things where we swear we'd never abandon him then we'd end up in these insane circumstances that would make liars out of us. But I really should know better, I don't know what I would do with no Odin. If we became homeless today I would take him to live in a cardboard box if I had to. Pretty selfish huh?

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice and tips and links!! And yes, I am charting! I'm just so excited about concieving that I'm afraid of being disappointed if I don't get pregnant right away, which, I know, its very unlikely that I will concieve that quickly. I see all these encouraging things online that say "Well, 75 to 90 per cent of couples get pregnant in the first year!!" and I just think . . . but I want to get pregnant NOW! LOL!

 

Anywho, thanks again