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Ezrydr

Ben -The end

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I had taken Ben my 12 y/o for his morning walk.  And noticed after the walk is stretched out on the floor, which is abnormal. Tried to get him up but would not get up. So decided needed to,get him to a vet. I took him to vet and vet said I needed to get him to the nearby hospital so,they could run tests immediately. Scared me that something was seriously wrong. He had naver been sick. Took him to hospital, the tech came in and took to the exam room. She came back and said he needed immediate help, heart was racing and not responding to stimulus on paws. She then presentd a cost schedule of everything they wanted to do to stabalize him. I am now overwhelmed .  In my mind I had a dollar amount I would spend. My wife is shocked at the amount. 5 minutes later Dr. comes in with results,, not good. Dr, said if they operate 50 % it will work and my extended his life 2 more years. And  top end of cost $15,000. Love said spend it common sense said no. I said no. They brought Ben in to say goodbye. Spent 15 minutes saying good by. They came and got him. My biggest regret and is I did not go,with him in his final minutes, I was so torn up. Now I so regret I was not with him in his final minutes he did not have to die without the one he Loved the  most.

It has been one week. I still am  lost without him. I went to animal rescue  Wednesday and found an older collie that needs a home. I am torn between loving my Ben and possibility of finding another collie that needs a home. I reitred this year and my ben  was a working herd dog. New collie will never work but will be exercised.i really loved my Ben.

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Oh Ezrydr I am so sorry to hear that. Try not to be hard on yourself. It's so hard to be there. I used to work in a vet office and assisted with many dogs. Even though they were not mine I held them and spoke to them as they went when their owners could not. I recently had to say goodbye to my border collie, Rocket, a few months ago. She was 14. I sat with her and it was one of the hardest things I have done, and I have sat with human family members who passed away in hospice. I just held her and cried into her fur.

About 6 months before she passed I got a border collie puppy, Wallace. His personality is very different but, just like any border collie, he is my shadow and now he lays where she used to lay around the house (our rescue dog, Wren, does not do this). It may sound silly but as a border collie his fur and his smell is very much like Rocket's. He helps me keep her memories in a positive way. I would not say he has helped me move on, but he lessens the blow.

 

 

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@Ezrydr, I am so very sorry for your loss. It's always too soon to loose one of our beloved friends.

I understand that there's no way to put a monetary value on a dog's life. As much as I love and have loved all my dogs, especially one of my current ones, I don't think I could have made a different decision in your circumstances.

While I understand it, guilt is a fruitless emotion. It can't change what's been done and it doesn't help in the least to move on from grief. In fact, I believe in situations like this it's more a manifestation of our grief than anything else. Ben wouldn't want you to be beating yourself up over decisions you made when you were already overcome with a very painful choice.

No new dog will ever take place of another one. And no one should ever expect them to. But they can give you new focus for that empty place in your heart that needs something to soothe it. Giving an older dog a loving home is as a beautiful and poignant tribute to Ben's memory as I can think of.

Dogspeed, Ben. You were loved.

 

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My heart goes out to you. You were put into a position any one of us dreads almost more than anything in the world. I wish you the best. Only one comment: only you know what is best for you right now, but sometimes the best medicine is another dog to love. It is never replacement, but it is comfort for both you and the new dog.

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