Obedience, according to Tess

[Guest Dynamite Tess]

Competition Obedience according to Border Collie Tess. These instructions are written for all dogs who want to totally humiliate and demean their handlers at obedience competitions. For the time being they concentrate on Beginners Level, but assume that the dog has been attending a training club. What is the recall? The recall is great for making your owner look a complete and utter fool, because you?ve both been training for months for this, and she actually thinks you?re both in with a chance. It is compulsory to take a long time to settle down at the start of this exercise and throw in a few barks for good measure. The moment your handler leaves your side is the time to race off in front of her and go and say hello to that other Border Collie just outside the ring. If you have your handler trained well she will be continuing with this exercise without you. You hear the steward shout, ?turn and face your dog?, and yep, sure enough there?s your handler now facing an invisible dog. A good dog will not, of course, want to upset her handler too much, so when you hear your name called, you respond. Okay, so you approach from behind and if you don?t have time to get into a proper present, just sit on the nearest human foot. What is heel work? Heel work is sitting nicely by your handler?s side, and lulling her into a false sense of security, because the minute the steward says, ?with a nice loose lead and with your dog, forward?, you race out to the full extent of your leash and drag your handler round, sniffing the grass all the way. And, of course, to finish off it is essential that you are told 5 times to sit. A Tessie Tip During the walk round you will hear the steward say ?about turn?. Your handler will turn and start walking the other way?.keep going in the original direction. It never fails to draw a laugh from the watching crowd. THE STAYS, Please note, the sit and down stay method should only be used in those competitions where, for some magical reason, you have excelled yourself in the previous two exercises and everything hangs on these last two. The sit stay. Of course you are not going to let your handler down??but why make things easy for her. Keep her guessing. The best way to do this in a 2 minute sit stay is to remain fixed to the spot for 1 minute 50 seconds, then shuffle your bottom a bit and watch the look of horror flash over your handler?s face. If you want to be really mean pretend you are going to get up by making little movements with your front paws. Don?t move though because at the end of the exercise your handler will give you a really big cuddle. The 2 minute down stay?.Boring, boring, boring. Use the time constructively by watching those little flying things and snapping at the air quickly to see how many you can catch. Down stays are also excellent for relieving that itchy back, so roll over, wave your legs in the air and wriggle that itch away.

 

These methods have been tried and tested by me, Tess, but I cannot guarantee that every handler will be humilated, ?????.or as forgiving as mine.

[Annie]

Thank You Tess for that enlightening bit of information. Are you sure you don'tknow my Wizzer? AlsoIam glad Iamnotalone. Ihaave great empathy for your owner.

[Guest Dynamite Tess]

Dear Annie, I don't know Wizzer, but he sounds my kind of dog. If you wish I have also written an Agility Guide..my rules of course and it can be found at

http://sites.netscape.net/dynamitetess99/homepage

There is a link to the guide there

Regards Tess and her owner

[Kendra]

Hi !!! you are truly funny and enlighting , I too have a Tess, her indian name being Two socks too short. I would like to know at what age you started Tess on her training. We rescued tess from the pound and she is about 3 1/2 months old. Smart as a whip, lordy is she sneaky, she will take a chew toy and set it next to my table legs and pretend to chew it while all the while she is making toothpicks of my table legs !!!! I will call her on it and she starts on her toy with the who me look, I am an angel sent from God above for you, and you will treat me as that angel please.. any hints for us mere mortals ??

[Guest Dynamite Tess]

Oh yes Kendra, I know that look. My Tess does exactly the same. I actually started training Tess and her sister at a club when they were 1 year old although from the moment they came to our home I got them used to sit, down and come. I firmly believe that training should be fun for both dog and owner, so I don't jerk, tug or scold when we get things wrong. Okay, so she messes up in competition obedience, but that isn't the end of the world and it's usually my fault anyway, too tense. As long as I can control my dogs when I take them out that's all I really ask of them. And, it is a great feeling when on the first call they come bounding over to me and sit for their leashes to be put on. Agility is a riot but we are gradually getting our act together. You sound a lot like me Kendra, able to see the funny side of dog ownership, although I do appreciate this isn't possible for every dog owner. We have recently sold our house and showing people around it when it was on the market was quite funny because in every room Tess had left her mark. We will be moving soon to what was an animal free house, and I must be the only person who can't wait for their dogs to chew something, because then it will be home. I've rambled on a bit here. Hope I haven't bored you. Thanks for your message, Regards, Val