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Husband critically ill

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I'm torn.

 

A little history first. Seven weeks ago DH had surgery for lung cancer. It was Stage 1 and he was expected to make a full recovery. "Unfortunately" (the hospital's words, not mine!) he ended up with three infections--pseudomonas pneumonia, sepsis and candida. He's been in and out of the hospital at least five times since. He's been transferred for two weeks to a rehab center to receive two IV antibiotics and PT and will be reevaluated after that time with more surgery a possibility. Three doctors can't come to any kind of agreement on a course of treatment. :rolleyes:

 

Obviously, this has taken up a lot of my time and energy and Scooter has been alone quite a bit--something he's not used to. When I am home, I'm often too tired to walk or play with him. His whole routine has been disrupted. He's been really good, but I can see it starting to wear on him. A very good friend has offered to take him for a while till things calm down.

 

My question is, which would be better? Keeping him at home in familiar surroundings, even though he's not getting much exercise or mental stimulation right now or letting my friend take him for a while, thrusting him into a whole new environment with new people and new dogs? I really have no idea how long this will go on or what the outcome will be. I just want to do the right thing for him. He's such a sweet boy.

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Is there any way that the friend could take him when you're not home and let him stay with you when you are? Or come by to exercise him? Something that would give you the best of both worlds, really.

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Very sorry to hear about your husband and good thoughts for a speedy recovery!

 

 

When my Briggs dogs was dying, my friends exercised my other dogs and took them home overnight sometimes to give me a break and make sure they got what they needed. My friends who are dogwalkers took my dogs hiking with their clients' dogs. I was deeply appreciative of their generosity. I know they would do the same again, and they know I'd do the same for them. Hopefully your friends will help you out in your time of need as well.

 

RDM

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I am sorry to hear about the unfortunate turn of events for your husband. Our thoughts and well wishes for a quick and total recovery will be with you and your family. I think the above two suggestions are outstanding. I would imagine the moments when you are home and your husband is getting treatment would feel a little less lonely with Scooter there. If someone would be able to exercise him and take him when you were not available you might be able to get the best of both worlds.

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I am really sorry to hear about these challenges you and your husband are facing.

 

As much as I love my dogs and having them around, I can understand the appeal of a bit of "dog-free" time when you can simply concentrate on your husband and yourself (and the multitude of other things that are on your mind and agenda). As long as Scooter likes your friend, and your friend is eager to help, I'd suggest taking advantage of this opportunity. It might actually help relieve stress for Scooter as well, as I am sure he is feeling the emotions and anxieties present in your household.

 

Look at the options - maybe let her have Scooter for the day or part of the day, so he can have exercise and attention, and let him be home at night to sleep. Or, let her simply keep him for a while round-the-clock. Or let her have him overnight and part of the day, so he can spend time with you and your husband. The possibilities are endless, only limited by what would work out well for all concerned.

 

You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. Very best wishes!

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I agree with what others have said. If there is a way to work it out so Scooter can be with you when you need him and be with friends he likes when you are feeling overwhelmed, I think you both would have the best of both worlds. Dogs are resilient, and Scooter will adjust to whatever new regime you work out.

 

I hope your husband is able to come home soon. I imagine when he does come home, he also might find Scooter's presence helpful for his healing.

 

J.

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I also agree with the others. See if your friend will take him for some walks, or the occasional overnight visit. That way he is getting more stimulation, but is not being uprooted. And you will also have him around when you could use a furry shoulder to lean on. Sending good thoughts for a full, speedy recovery for your husband.

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I'm sending my thoughts for your beloved husband, and for you as well. Everyone's suggestions about Scooter's care are great.

 

I have another suggestion - work out some support for yourself. Do you have a group of friends who might pick up groceries for you, do a little yard work, go to dinner or lunch with you, watch a silly movie with you, do some housework, etc? If you want to PM me, I've got some suggestions about setting up a schedule so that you get some help in day to day activities.

 

My prayers for all of you are going out.

 

Ruth

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I can't add much more - these are excellent suggestions. Sending lots of good mojo for your husband's recovery - also don't forget to take some healing time for yourself.

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I wish the best for your husband and hope that he has a speedy recovery.

 

In the mean time, I don't think it would hurt at all for your friend to foster Scooter for you to lighten your load and give him a bit of stimulation. I might suggest that his "home base" be moved to her house and that he visit you when needed or when you are able to care for him -- instead of the other way around, simply because I think it would be less stress on you if you know he is being cared for without you having to call and ask for help.

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Sending good thoughts for your husband's recovery -- my suggestion would be to try Scooter out and see...it would seem to me like a boarding kennel or doggie day care...he might have a good time and if he didn't, or if you missed his companionship, you can bring him home...your schedule is going to change day by day, so flexibility is going to be the key.

 

Last year, I was in the midst of chemo treatments when the pups came home and I thought it was going to be a horrible mistake and we'd be going through separation anxiety all over again if we took the pups back to their breeder ( and hence their mother) right after we brought them home, on the days I had chemo, but we had no choice -- they were too young to leave all day and there was really no one else we could trust to handle our precious puppies. So back they went each Monday for the day , and home they came with us, once a week for fifteen weeks and it didn't bother them at all. They had a great time at the farm, chasing around and when when we returned to pick them up, they were all tired out and we went home for a much needed nap... It worked out just fine.

 

Good friends will see you, your husband and Scooter through this!

 

Liz

 

 

I'm torn.

 

A little history first. Seven weeks ago DH had surgery for lung cancer. It was Stage 1 and he was expected to make a full recovery. "Unfortunately" (the hospital's words, not mine!) he ended up with three infections--pseudomonas pneumonia, sepsis and candida. He's been in and out of the hospital at least five times since. He's been transferred for two weeks to a rehab center to receive two IV antibiotics and PT and will be reevaluated after that time with more surgery a possibility. Three doctors can't come to any kind of agreement on a course of treatment. :rolleyes:

 

Obviously, this has taken up a lot of my time and energy and Scooter has been alone quite a bit--something he's not used to. When I am home, I'm often too tired to walk or play with him. His whole routine has been disrupted. He's been really good, but I can see it starting to wear on him. A very good friend has offered to take him for a while till things calm down.

 

My question is, which would be better? Keeping him at home in familiar surroundings, even though he's not getting much exercise or mental stimulation right now or letting my friend take him for a while, thrusting him into a whole new environment with new people and new dogs? I really have no idea how long this will go on or what the outcome will be. I just want to do the right thing for him. He's such a sweet boy.

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Sending good thoughts for a speedy and full recovery for your husband from his illness. I personally would consider rehoming Scooter on a temporary basis. Having dealt with a loved one going through a serious illness in the hospital years ago, I know that the bulk of my time was spent either at work or at the hospital. Although I loved having my pets to come home to, mainly I just needed sleep and food and then to leave again. As things settle down, maybe your friend could take Scooter on a part-time basis until the situation has resolved.

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Sending you and your husband prayers for strength and healing. For the dog, good thoughts also. With all the stresses and worries and competing responsibilities in which you're awash, please keep in mind your own needs and do what you can to avoid complete exhaustion, emotional and physical. You'll need some time with Scooter (dogs can be so very comforting!) but try to make some time for yourself. It can be key to have a hour here and there just for yourself when you're under siege this way. When my mother was very ill, one of the few useful things I could do for my father (a tough and independent man) was drive over and sit with her while he went out (with friends or alone) to get some dinner, away from house and bedside. Just a little break. If keeping yourself together means sending your dog away for a bit, it may be the best strategy for managing this situation. The dog will always be happy to see you again. But when he's away, he isn't adding another set of duties for you, nor is he having to try to figure out what's going on when his world (because it's your world) is upside down and everyone he knows is unhappy and preoccupied.

 

Hoping things will improve soon,

 

LizS in SCPA

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So sorry to hear about your husband's situation; I hope he is able to recover soon. Meanwhile, I agree with SecretBC's point about keeping your stress as low as possible. It's really important for you to take good care of yourself so you are able to be the best support possible for your husband. Very best wishes.

 

I might suggest that his "home base" be moved to her house and that he visit you when needed or when you are able to care for him -- instead of the other way around, simply because I think it would be less stress on you if you know he is being cared for without you having to call and ask for help.

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Sending lots of positive thoughts for you and your husband. Everyone has shared really good ideas! I think having the option of having Scooter around when you need a loving friend would be really helpful. :rolleyes:

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Good vibes heading your way

 

I like everyone's "day care" ideas too. You may need Scooter more than you think right now. Having him in the house at night with you can be very comforting after a long stressfull day.

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Thank you everyone for your suggestions, good wishes and prayers for our family. I think I'll try having my friend take Scooter for the day, then having him home at night so it's not such an adjustment (for both of us). That seems like a nice compromise. Scooter's a real love bug and enjoys his evening cuddle time. I guess I like it too. :rolleyes:

 

Now that DH (also known as Terry) is in the nursing home/rehab center, I don't go every day to visit. That's helping. I was really beginning to feel like I was buckling under the pressure. Today I'm watching "Back To The Future" and giving Scooter some much needed pampering--brushing, nail clipping, a bath. Rainy and dreary here so it's a good day to stay in and just chill. Maybe I'll bake some chocolate chip cookies too. :D

 

Hoping things get back to some semblance of normalcy soon. :D

 

Pam

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prayers for Terry and Pam.

I think a bit of both would be best for Scooter.

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Sorry to hear about your husband's troubles, and yours. Just got home from 3 days in hospital with raging cellulitus infection. Sugarfoot spent her nights at home and her days with my dog walker & his mom. Both are good friends. Sugar was a bit confused but did well, considering that she is a dog with fearfulness issues. We sure were happy to see each other. Me, Sugar and Mugen (the cat) had quite the love-feast at our reunion! It'll take a day or two to get "back in the saddle."

 

I agree with those that say part time home and with you when you can manage. They are stronger than we give them credit for. And they share their strength with us.

 

Hang tough with the treatment. It's very scary, but believe that it will come right...

 

Good luck!

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I am so sorry to hear that your family is having to battle cancer! I will add your husband to my prayers.

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Oh, no. So sorry to hear about your hubby. Glad you have your pup to keep you company and give you moral support. Prayers for all of you tonight.

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Thank you to all who sent good wishes and good advice. Thank you too for indulging me. This really did start as a thread about what to do with Scooter while I was gone so much. :D

 

So, an update. Scooter did indeed spend time during the day with my friend, then would come home at night to be with me. Worked out very well for both of us. Should we need to go out of town for a second opinion, we now have that covered. One less thing to worry about.

 

Terry checked himself out of the rehab center last Tuesday and we're back to doing the IV antibiotics at home. Appointment with infectious disease doctor on Thursday was encouraging. First time in a long time! Two more weeks on meds, then recheck. She saw "significant improvement". Praying he's finally turned the corner and is on his way to complete healing.

 

Now he just needs to get his strength back. Playing with Scooter helps (Scooter can be relentless sometimes when he wants to play ball!) :rolleyes: And he seems quite content to have the whole family back together. :D

 

Thanks again,

Pam, T & Scooter

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