shelb'smum Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Since around 4:30 News Years Eve I have a new apperication for life and safety. Our friend, his dog duke, us and our pups were headed to the hot springs to celebrate the new year. we thought that we would try one that he hadn't been to before, but upon getting there the water was to cold for us. as we were headed the direction to Bagby Hot Springs, we were waved down by a gentleman that had been sitting by the road in his truck that we had passed about 10 minutes earlier. He told us that he noticed some skid marks on the side of the road and that there was a man in the river, did we have a cell phone to call 911? we had no service so we headed to the Job Corp center to use their phone. we drove a couple of first aid people from the center to the site of the accident. and stayed to help out as mush as we could for the next hour or so. by the time we had left it was 7 ish. I am so happy to be alive. this man was driving to fast on a dangrous road. hit ice and slid on the side of the bike a good 100 feet before landing in the river. his leg looked broken, but he didn't look like he had died on inpact, but rather tried to pull himself up but realalized that he wouldn't be able to get out, proped himself on top of his bike and died. I am so angry that there was nothing we could do to help him. and if he had only been albe to keep his mouth out of the water he might still be alive. His death really has hit home with me and seeing him lying there, I have been shocked and in a half state of mind since sunday. last friday I hit a patch of ice and narrowly avoided going into trees and hit an open field, my car is fine and I am driving with much more car. but this life "lesson" that I have gained this week will stick and has hit with such force. Please Be Safe. Here is the Story ETA: I have never been to a furnal. but I realy want to go to his. it seems that he is a very well loved man and alot of people new him. on Saturday we may be leading some of his biker buds to the accident site. But how would you feel if a complete stranger came to the furnal of your SO? I don't know if we should. I am not sure how his wife and family would feel about it. just wanting some opinions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebC Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 I am so sorry you had to see that. I know those images stick in your mind for a long time. We had something similar happen on vacation a couple years ago. You just feel so helpless!! The lesson my boys took away from that night is to NEVER get in a car w/o putting on your seatbelt. It really slams you hard to see how fragile life is. In time you will lose the intensity of the image, but the 'lesson' never goes away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickkers Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 My mom and I had a sort of similar experience a few years ago...there was this crazy guy driving way too fast behind us weaving in and out of traffic... and she and I just shook our heads and tried to stay out of his way. About 5 or 10 minutes later we're passed by a couple of cops also going fast with their headlights on. We were about to cheer at him getting pulled over when we saw that he'd gone off the side of the road into a raveen where his car was on fire and was really banged up. I'm sorry you had to deal with it in so much more of a personal way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz P Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 My Mom was rear ended by some guy a few years ago. The car she was driving was practically a tank so she was fine, just a littled angry. She was going to exchange info with the guy but he didn't get out of his car and has a strange look on his face. Mom got back into her car fast and drove away. She said he looked like he was on drugs or something. Driving back home later she passed what looked like the same car wrapped around a tree. It turns out he was having some sort of seizure when he hit her and when he hit the tree. She is grateful she didn't get hit harder and sad that the man died like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelb'smum Posted January 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Edited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickkers Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I think you should go if you want to...however I have never been to a funeral myself so I don't know if there's 'ettiquette' to that kind of thing or not. IMHO his family is probably not even going to notice or realize that you are a stranger because they'll be dealing with their own grief. If you need the closure, go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebC Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 If you feel that you would like to go, I don't see it as an issue if you went. Unless the funeral is private - which it doesn't sound like that is the case. Are there calling hours? Perhaps you would feel more comfortable offering condolences there? The only thing I might feel awkward about is how to present myself. I mean, what do you say? I think it is very thoughtful of you to want to pay your respects. If it were one of my loved ones, I would appreciate that you would want to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomofOuzo Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 Ahuh... the family will probably feel the influence their loved one had both when alive and dead. I would simply explain who I was and what made me come to the funeral (although I wouldn't go only because I don't like funerals not because it's wrong to go...) Follow your heart and consciense...and in worst case what would they do? Kick you out? Insult you? They have definitely more important things to do than to become annoyed by the presence of a stranger...if you know what I mean... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelb'smum Posted January 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 See the SO feels like we should not go because we don't want to say the wrong thing. he doesn't want to upset anyone by saying "hey we saw your dead so and so..." his words not mine. I feel as though its more of a paying respects, and if anyone asks, say that we were up the mountian that day, and felt like pay respects to him and his family. as he has impacted our lives so much and we never even new him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShoresDog Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I don't think that anyone interprets attendance at a funeral as anything other than taking the time to pay respect. My experience was feeling supported that so many people would take the time to come to my family member's service. I agree with your sentiments. The friends that you lead up the mountain will know why you're there, and they'll explain for you if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitch Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I would go to the wake, not the funeral. It may differ depending on the religion, but for the Catholics in our area (I was raised Catholic), the funeral is for close family and friends. The Wake is for everyone (co-workers, all family and friends, acquaintances, etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandra s. Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 If I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn't go to the funeral (but funerals seem "wrong" to me anyway, so I am biased) but pay him a private visit instead, afterwards when nobody else is there, if you know where his grave is. You could bring him some flowers, for example. Sometimes hikers build little stone piles for others who have died in the mountains, and those who walk past the place add a new stone if they want to...I'd do something of that kind if I were you. But if your heart tells you to go to the funeral, I'm sure it will be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Mickey Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I think the family would be grateful to meet someone who tried to help their loved one. If you go, take a box of kleenix - it's going to be a really sad funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyoBC Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I'm so sorry you had to see that. I can't even think about what that would make me feel like. I would say go to the funeral. If you feel like you should, the family I'm sure wont mind you coming at all. When we had the funeral for my Grandma some people that didn't even know her came, and it meant a lot to me to see people just come and see what a great person she was. I hope you can get pass the bad memories. My best thoughts are out to you. God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixie_Girl Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 The whole idea of a funeral is really for the living. It is a way for them to say goodbye, to say it mattered the person was here. Anyone this person had an impact on, should be welcome. My granma used to go to anyones funeral if she had just met them once. When asked why she would bother she simply said, in her beautiful Irish brogue, in case no one else shows up to send them off! Go, express your sympathy, say goodbye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCMomma Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I would go to pay your respects. It is not wrong to go to any funeral of any faith unless it is stated that is it private. It will help you to find closure being around this person's loved ones. God Bless You - it isn't a way anyone should have to start a new year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 If you want to go to the "calling hours" - the stuff at the funeral home - and/or the actual funeral - the service at the church and maybe the burial - go. If you SO doesn't want to go, go alone. You don't even have to tell anyone why you're there. If you do, just say you wish there had been something you could have done to help. Maybe your SO is worried that you will tell family that the driver was going too fast or something like that. My DH has similar fears. But we know that we are not fools or idiots. So pat SO on the head and do what you want to do. What you need to do. I'm in charge of the receptions after funerals at my church. I can practically guarantee that your going to the funeral home or the funeral will be a help to the family - even if you never say a thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anda Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 I'm with Sandra on this one... the whole idea scares the c**p out of me and I don't even know what to say when something like this happens to someone I know. I respect those that can deal with this subject in a respectful and practical way. Brrrr........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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