Would you be offended?

[HCBell]

I would invite the SIL to leave.

[WWBC]

I think SIL was already over bounds and to request that you now invite others and expect that you are to have a spread for them is ridiculous. If she wants to have a get together /party whatever she is trying to engineer, I would tell her to find some other location. I would not put myself or my dogs out for someone who is that rude.

[Shetlander]

Originally posted by Dal & Mad's Mom:

I mean they ask to come over, now they request we also invite other guests. We are expected to put on a spread for them. (We've tried ordering out before it wasnt pretty). Now they are dictating that the dogs leave.

That sounds both unreasonable and rude. A good trick is to say no to something by saying yes to something else. "It will be great to have you. Don't worry about the dogs. They'll be gated off." If she repeats the request, just very kindly inform her "The dogs will be in another part of the house. It will all work out just fine. You'll see." If she continues to insist the dogs go, just say "No problem! I'll be happy to have you over so long as you understand the dogs will be elsewhere in the house. Let me know if you can live with that. Otherwise, I'm open to meeting elsewhere. Just let me know." Put a lilt in your voice.

 

It's all about boundaries. Don't let them abuse the fact that you are a nice person. You can be polite, kind and still take care of your own needs and that of your dogs. Good luck!

[Jen Brett]

The only time that Jack gets put in his crate or in the bedroom (regarding guests) in our apartment is if maintenence is coming, or if one particular friend is coming over, who is very allergic to him. (We usually meet somewhere else though, or go to her place.)

 

Jack usually has full run of the apartment, and the only time I make concessions for guests is if they're staying overnight. We don't have a guest room, so they're usually staying on the couch. I'll offer to keep him shut in the bedroom with me, but my friends/family, thank goodness, usually love the idea that Jack may very well sleep right next to them.

[nancy]

Tell SIL that you just can't handle this. That you'll be glad to join them at a party at their house. But that you are not giving their party at your house.

 

How dare this person invite herself and her friend to your house, demand a pary, and demand that your dogs be moved out.

 

Heck, I'd tell her that you are boarding several dogs that belong to friends. And rent dogs if necessary!

 

Hey, who out there can bring dogs over on Saturday? I'm afraid you're a tad too far for me.

 

Is this your brother's wife or your husband's sister? Do you owe her money? What the heck makes her think she can dictate such stuff to you?

 

To answer the original question: I would not be offended; I'd be livid!

[smileyzookie]

If you come to my house invited or not, deal with my dog. PERIOD. Riven isnt allowed to be rude or get in faces. She is corrected if she wont leave them alone once they start petting her. To have someone basically invite themselves and then others over and tell me to put my dog away... plain and simple.. hell no. Riven is family in my house. She doesnt go outside just because people want to be dillholes about her. If she was aggressive, bit or whatever then yes I could see. But if your dogs are well behaved and listen, then they would have 2 choices here. 1. deal with it, 2. stay home.

 

Rohan on the other hand will attack people, so I keep a close eye on him. If he seems to be acting hairy I lock him up. Who would think my cat would attack and my dog would be the angel lol

[Jack & Co.]

Ditto to what Liz said! And remember...no one can take advantage of you without your permission!

[Aronomy]

It's not going to hurt anything, to keep the dogs out for the time that your sister in law is there. People are overreacting; I'm sure it was mentioned in a polite and nice way, not demanding or rudely. It's a nice gesture for you to oblige this favor, why not? It doesn't hurt the dogs to put them outside for a day, (or part of a day).

[SoloRiver]

I think it's rude for someone to invite herself over and expect a party (with guests of her choosing) to be put on for her, whether or not dogs are involved in the equation.

 

If it is a reasonable visit from someone who I love and value I am happy to put my dogs in another room while that person is over. But asking for them to be removed from the premises is a bit much, especially considering the context.

[Dal & Mad's Mom]

aronomy I will tell you my mom agrees with you. She is in on the whole situation and says keep peace.

I'm going to have to think about this as even she says Dal is no trouble.

 

The renting dogs thing is funny. Mom already has 5 so I could easily have 8. Should I borrow the neighbors bc's and make it an even 10?lol

[WWBC]

No one is going to call me, invite themselves over to my house, instruct me to remove my dogs, instruct me to invite others and expect me to provide a spread. She would have gotten nowhere beyond asking me to remove my dogs. She WOULD BE instruct that my home includes my animals, and to look elsewhere for her entertainment location. That's not an over reaction, that's a fact.

 

WWBC

[Lunar]

Originally posted by Aronomy:

It's not going to hurt anything, to keep the dogs out for the time that your sister in law is there. People are overreacting; I'm sure it was mentioned in a polite and nice way, not demanding or rudely. It's a nice gesture for you to oblige this favor, why not? It doesn't hurt the dogs to put them outside for a day, (or part of a day).

But that's not what she said - she said she didn't want them there, but moved "to another location." I think if SIL had just requested the dogs be crated or in another room people wouldn't be so upset.

 

Now I'll say that we've hosted parties here a couple of times for BIL - who doesn't have a house or yard of his own. However a) he provided all the food and arranged the party he asked nicely if we'd be willing to have the small party here, and c) he never made demands of our animals. I think all our relatives know that to insult the pets is to insult me.

[Dixie_Girl]

My bro and SIL have 2 boxers, a beagle mix, a mutt, and GSD. Only 1 boxer has ANY manners(they got him as an adult from a shelter and thankfully someone had already trained him!)These dogs are unbelievably obnoxious. BUT they love them just the way they are. I don't go to their house expecting anything but what it is. I do stop them from getting into my food while I'm eating, but I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do with them when I visit. To think you have to "keep the peace" is fine, BUT they should also. Sheryl, you are very sweet to even be considering this. But sometimes ya just gotta do what is best for you! IF you are uncomfortable with this, DON'T do it! If you are ok with it, ok. What are you going to do the next time when the demands get bigger?

[Dal & Mad's Mom]

I have to be honest even though this girl (hubby's sis) is way older than me she is a spoiled brat.

She has brought food to my house and told people they could not have seconds.

 

Once she stayed over with her husband invited Fred to go somewhere and he thought it was both of us so he woke me. Sil and Bil left with me still in the shower.

 

The girl does stuff just to tick me off.

[WWBC]

Then you should stop letting her push your buttons, take a stand. It's your home and your dogs.............not her home or property. I would tell her to make other plans. Sounds as if she has spent her life perfecting her bossy, rude behaviour. Someone somewhere needs to give her a dose of reality. Might as well be you.

 

WWBC

[Aronomy]

Everyone has to deal with family like this, it's part of it, just try to make it as pleasant as you can. If that means putting your dogs somewhere where they don't scare guests (such as outside), then do so for the day . In the long run, the time you have to see and deal with her is not very significant, and this isn't too big of a request to accomodate.

 

Lunar, my understand is that putting the dogs outside is an option, that was agreed to by the sister in law as a (compromise)? Am I incorrect in this assumption? If putting the dogs outside is not a viable agreement (or designated to one room or area of the house), then I suppose it would be a much bigger request.

[Dixie_Girl]

Okay, here's the plan. Don't say yes or no. Just let her show up. In the mean time gather as many dogs as you can. When she gets there, and starts making any noises, hand her the mortgage or rent due slip, and say well, here's what it will cost you to get things YOUR way.

[KrisK]

Keeping the peace and being pushed around are two different things altogether. I agree with WWBC...it's time someone showed this person some boundaries. Do it politely and firmly but do it. Hey, who knows - sometimes when people stand up for themselves the other party begins to treat you with respect!

[Kitch]

Do it politely and firmly but do it.

I absolutely agree. I had a similar situation when I inherited my house. It had been in the family for 4 generations and most recently had been our grandparents house. Everyone was used to treating it as their own and felt they had the right to tell me how to decorate it, what I could and could not do, whether I should be 'allowed' to get a dog or if a dog (and my cats) would ruin the woodwork, etc. I put up with it for a while as it was a difficult time and transition for my family but I finally said, politely but firmly, that when they start paying the taxes on the house, they can start telling me how I can arrange the furniture.

 

Worked like a charm.

[Melody]

If people want to come and stay I say thats fine ar you ok with dogs

 

I wouldnt be putting my dog out of his routine, there are plenty of B&B's or hotels if they dont like dogs LOL, I certainly wouldnt tolerate them asking for me to take the dog elsewhere! He is part of my family!!!

 

if someone really didnt like them though scamp could stay in the garden for some time or on a lead beside me so as not to go near the visitor.

[Carson Crazies]

As I understand it, they're not requesting that you gate off/crate/put the dogs outside, they want you to send them away - like boarded or someone elses house, right? SIL invited herself, right? Now she wants you to invite other people and provide for them?

 

I agree. Firmly, kindly, no.

[tailtips]

Hullo....from a diehard lurker Had this poem sitting on my computer for ages and I think it suits the situation perfectly. I have actually posted it as a sign on the front door when my family was really ticking me off.

 

If you don't want to be greeted with paws and swinging tails,

Don't come inside because dogs live here.

If you don't like the feel of a cold nose or wet tongue,

Don't come inside because dogs live here.

If you don't want to step over many scattered toys,

Don't come inside because dogs live here.

If you think that a home ought to smell of perfume,

Don't come inside because dogs live here.

But if you don't mind all of this,

You will be instantly loved when you come inside because

Dogs live here!

 

authored by Dave Lester (not me)

[Jack & Co.]

Tailtips, that is so appropriate! Welcome!

 

Edited to add: WWBC hits the nail on the head:

 

Then you should stop letting her push your buttons, take a stand. It's your home and your dogs.............not her home or property. I would tell her to make other plans. Sounds as if she has spent her life perfecting her bossy, rude behaviour. Someone somewhere needs to give her a dose of reality. Might as well be you.

[juliepoudrier]

Aronomy,

I agree that one should try to accommodate family and keep the peace and all that, and maybe if it were just SIL wanting to come over and have the dogs in the yard or gated in another part of the house, I'd have no problem with it, as I routinely do that for guests anyway. But don't you see *anything* a bit out of line about a relative calling up, inviting herself over, requesting that certain other people be invited over, expecting Sheryl to provide food/refreshments for the now party she wasn't planning on having, AND being told that dogs needed to be removed?

 

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's overreacting to say that someone, and it might as well be Sheryl, needs to set boundaries for this person. Why should one person be allowed to walk all over everybody else in the name of "keeping family peace"? Isn't that why there are so many instances of long-simmering resentments in families? Why can't everyone be an adult and be up front with one another?

 

If I were Sheryl, I might agree to a party at my place if the person who wanted the party (SIL) agreed to provide the food and the help with set up and clean up (it's *her* party, she ought to be able to do that much) AND compromise on the dogs, as in the dogs will be kept out of the guests' way, but will NOT be removed from the premises. Next I can see the SIL asking for Sheryl to please go away with the dogs (after having done all the cooking and prep of course!). Sheesh!

 

J.

[Carson Crazies]

Edit because apparently I can't read.