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Odin's Momma

The most horrible day of my life

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Well, if we do indeed ask these people to take care of Odin, I don't think I'd be able to say "Here, raise my dog he's yours now". I'd like to think that we'd eventually get to a place where we can give him the time and attention he needs, and he'll be able to come back with us. I don't like the idea of saying goodbye forever. He's mine. I think he'll always be mine, no matter where he is in the world. :rolleyes:

 

But how long would it be? What if he really bonds with my friends and they with him? Would it be fair to take him away? They are both in their sixties, the husband is nearer to seventy.

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Here's a question for you Kee.

 

If your husband had not said "I think we should give up our dogs" would that thought have crossed your mind at all while preparing for this move?

 

I'm a big believer in knowing what's right. I'll wager that if the thought had not occurred to you on its own originally, it's not really something you're willing or prepared to do. But I think you're caught in a feedback loop of stress and feeling sorry for yourself (<-- completely understandable) and you're making yourself sick with "what if" scenarios and you can't find your way out of it. I also think you need to stop listening to everyone theorize your situation and make this decision yourself. At this point, you're just completely confused. We aren't helping.

 

Dogs live in the "right now" for the most part. That means if you give them up, they'll get over it. If you move them into an apartment, they'll adjust. Ultimately, anything you do is probably fine, it's mostly just about what you can live with once you do it.

 

Good luck

 

RDM

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Thanks RDM. You're right, as you usually are.

 

No, it would not have occurred to me.

 

Please don't stop with the support though, I need my friends around me <3

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Guest LJS1993

As much as I love message boards, this is a situation where I think you must step away from the keyboard and do some personal reflection. We can go back and forth on this issue. However, the final choice is yours and yours alone. Only you know your sitution and how much you can personally handle. Some people on this forum live with many dogs in a tiny apartment thus being crated all day long. While on the other hand, some of us live on property surrounded by people who can fill in the gap while we live our human lives. The basics are simple, what can you take? Stress? What is your stress tolerance? Will your relationship suffer? What are your priorities in this situation? All things you need to mull over on your own.

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As much as I love message boards, this is a situation where I think you must step away from the keyboard and do some personal reflection.

 

I am doing reflecting on my own, but I also need friends around me right now. It helps me to talk about it, helps to know I have support. The very last thing I would want to do is make a thread two months down the road saying Odin is with friends now, and have people not understand everything fully . . . my fellow BCBers are very important to me, and when something of this magnitude is happening, there's no other place I'd rather go :rolleyes: I do understand what you mean about needing to reflect on my own, don't worry, I will be doing that as well. Thanks very much for your reply as well. Every one helps in some way.

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Please don't stop with the support though, I need my friends around me <3

 

Never Kee :rolleyes: I'm just not sure how much support you're getting by having your situation analyzed by a thousand emotional accountants. I think you will be greatly supported here no matter what you decide. But the decision itself is something only that little voice inside of you can make.

 

RDM

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Thanks RDM :rolleyes:

 

What I think I should have said before, but didn't (I'm not sure why?) is that Odin lived in Toronto in a small apartment for the first year and a half of his life. We were very happy.

 

But then we moved to Newfoundland and stayed at our friends' farm, which is not actually a farm anymore, but it used to be. And there, for the first time, I saw real, pure, *joy* in Odin's eyes. He was never unhappy in Toronto, but he was in doggy heaven on this farm.

 

We're currently living in an apartment now, about an hour away from there. Is Odin happy? Absolutely. But not like he was there.

 

I'm telling you guys this so that maybe you would better understand what I mean when I say I'm "torn".

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What about this as option #3? Can you bring him back to Ontario with you and have him temporarily fostered somewhere, like at a rescue just until you get settled and have a place to live? I know a lady who runs a border collie rescue about 1 1/2 hours north of Toronto and lives on farm. That's who I adopted my 2 pups from. Maybe she or somebody like her could help you out?

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Please correct me if I'm wrong, Kee, but I'm under the impression you haven't actually asked these people yet if they would adopt Odin??? To visit is one thing but to take on the full time responsibility is another. They might not feel they can take care of him day in and day out. (It might be like having grandkids....visits are great but to take them in to raise is another story.) Also, have they ever dog-sat for you before? Odin might enjoy visiting there but do you know how he does when you aren't around?

 

When my mom had her house, she had a very large, flat backyard. JJ loved going down to her house. Every time we when to my mom's house, he would start whinning at least a mile before we pulled into her driveway. Does he miss going there? No.

 

JJ loves going to Petsmart. His foster mom works there. Whenever we pull into the parking lot, he starts his whinning again. He literally pulls me across the parking lot so he can see her. Everytime we go over to her house, JJ has a blast. He absolutely loves her! Whenever we need a dog-sitter, she's the one we use. But whenever she dog-sits for us, JJ doesn't eat for the first 24 hours. As much as he loves his foster mom, his heart is with us. Even when he was going through his obedience classes, if his foster mom took his leash to show me something, JJ would turn around and look at me as if I just gave him back.

 

Jake is our velcro dog. He has to be in the same room with us during his waking hours. Back in May, Les and I took the boys with us on our vacation. It took about 4-4 1/2 hrs to drive to the cabin we rented. It was the first vacation we took since adopting Jake. He was so upset when we first arrived, he had a tummy ache. When he realized we were there as a family and not drive that distance to leave him somewhere, he cheered up and had a great time even though he had to stay on a leash the whole time.

 

Do you guys have jobs waiting for you? Is there a possibility one of you might work 1st shift and the other work 2nd shift? What I'm trying to say is, you should only let the financial part dictate anything. The rest will work itself out.

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I'm so, so sorry. . I couldn't even post when I first read that. :rolleyes: I can't help you with the decision, but if it's (((HUGS))) you need, you certainly get these.

 

BTW, it's possible that Odin's happiness on the farm was, at least in part, a reaction to YOUR happiness about being able to show him all that. Kessie certainly reacts that way.

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Ya know, Jackson and the rest of the crew would probly really light up if I served them steak every night! Jackson would be exstatic if I had my own sheep he could work every day. All day. Cheyenne would be happy if ALL the dogs but her were to disappear. What I'm trying to say is that there are many things that "could be better" in our and our dogs life. Perfection is a place sought after but never attained. Dogs do not have a bond with us because we give them everything they desire, but in spite of it. Would it be easier to move without having to consider the dog(s)? Oh, yeah. Can it work if you take them? Sure. Will they be happy? Without a doubt. I really don't believe Odin will sit around the place you get scowling at you, thinking, "Thanks a lot for bringing me here when I could have been running around a field somewhere else." It will simply be a different place, but with you it will still be home.

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Like the others, I don't think you should tear yourself up too much over the could bes. You can offer Odin a great life no matter where you live. Quite simply because you love him as much as you do and he knows that. You love him and make him a priority in your life. Even when you are home, how much of the day does Odin sleep? Sure he loves knowing that you are there, but he can also adjust to knowing that he is home and knowing that you go away and come back on a regular basis. It won't be some horrible thing for him if you train him for it properly. How is he now if left home alone for a few hours? If he doesn't suffer terrible separation anxiety, I don't think you need to worry too much about apartment life. Especially when you say he's already had that for a year and a half and was happy. Sure it will be different with you working out of the house, but he'll do fine. He's an older dog now that can hold his bladder and when you get home, you'll give him tons of love and affection. Instead of small moments spread throughout the day, it will be a more intense time.

 

Whichever way you decide. Whatever your heart and head tell you, YOU have to live with it. You have to live with the pain and the guilt and the sorrow. No one else. So take your time and make the decision you and Odin can best live with. He can't tell you what he wants in words, but to whom does he turn when something makes him happy or sad? The outside or the person who loves him?

 

Best wishes and many hugs!

Rebecca

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Guest WoobiesMom

Maybe the best thing is to take tiny baby steps. I've had big decisions to make in my life and trying to see "forever" really made them difficult. I've always done best by making a small mini-decision, if you will, and then seeing how that worked and going from there. I had a great therapist give me an analogy once. If you're trying to get across a river, you're not going to jump from one side to the other. You're going to choose the path one stepping stone at a time. Once on each stone, you check out the options and go from there. You can't see the options until you're on the stone, so why fret about which stone you're going to choose out in the middle of the river if you're not there yet?

 

Some things that jump to my mind about your situation. You need first to know what your own housing situation is going to be. Based on that, you need next to know if your neighbors will take your dogs 1) permanently or 2) temporarily. Then you need to figure out employment for both of you. Is there a way you could work opposite shifts so someone is home with the dogs if you're able to bring them to the city? Is there a dog-based job you could find in the city that would allow you to bring your dog(s) with you to work? If you can't get dog-friendly housing now, could your neighbors keep them temporarily and you and your spouse make it your #1 priority to get dog-friendly housing asap and then save the $$ necessary to get your dogs back with you?

 

Try to take it one decision at a time, it's less overwhelming that way. I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be so very hard. :rolleyes:

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I think Odin will be happy wherever you are. When my husband and I split up 4 years ago, I took all 5 dogs and 2 kids with me. I hadn't worked in 20 years having been raising my children. But I lived in a 25' trailer with 2 kids and 5 dogs for 9 mos. I put the trailer on a friend's property and worked in her grooming shop. I even took my 6 goats with me! After the 9 mos I rented a house back in the town we had left and it had 2 acres so I bought some sheep. Last year I realized I could not afford to stay there so I sold the sheep and moved with my 5 dogs and 1 kid (the others are on their own now) to a small house with a small yard. My dogs are very happy. My daughter is in school and I work all day, but the dogs are happy with us. The dogs don't need big farms to make them happy, they are happy with their people. Anyway, this is what I did, you have to do what you feel is best for you.

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Break this down into parts. One, you are not making it where you are. This means you need to go where you both can get a job. Two, you have to decide what to do with the dogs.

 

I have moved so many times in my life,- one more is all I will do. That said, I never had to get rid of my animals. It worked out. I had friends of friends, and one time, I even stayed at some friend's place, in their basement, and they were like a second family- it was wonderful. Giving the dogs up will not help your station in life. Sure, it may make it easier to find a place, but a home ain't a home, unless it feels so, and as dog people will attest, you pretty much are empty hearted without your dogs.

 

Why do you have to go back to Toronto? What about somewhere in the states? I have a friend who just moved from Ontario to NY, and the job market, they say, is much better here.

 

Look into positions where you can live where you work. Have you thought about a property management position? This is something that would save you needing two cars, in many cases dogs are allowed, and you will not have to commute to work.

 

Heck, if worse comes to worse, rent an RV. Don't rehome the dogs until you know that where you are going is the place you want to be, and then, if you have to, rehome them. You will need the support that the presence of your dogs give you.

 

Don't rush into anything- and look around for jobs- all over.

 

Julie

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Why do you have to go back to Toronto? What about somewhere in the states?

 

I thought the same thing.

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I thought the same thing.

 

Because Toronto, or, I should say, our little piece of Toronto, is our home. Wes grew up there and I grew to love and consider it my home as well. Because we have to rely on his mom to take in at least him while we get on our feet, because we can't save money here. We have enough for rent for the apartment, basic bills and food for us and the dog. That's it. I'm not even exaggerating. We have to borrow (again) to travel there. Plus, my husband's job is there, the company he left to come here is talking him back.

 

Yes, my friends would take Odin in a heartbeat. Am I ready to just hand him over? Absolutely not. But the fact is, they may have to at least "babysit" him for a while, while we figure this stuff out. Arranging travel for us and two animals has not been going well, and we need to be there before winter. I've made countless calls and IMs, offered everything we have to offer, but no one is interested in making the two day drive, not even my damn parents, even though they certainly could use the furniture. Flying is not an option with Odin, as I explained before. It would mean finding a drive across the island, and putting him on an Air Canada Cargo plane. The last time I did this, it cost just under 1000$. In the (hopefully near) future, this will be an option, but right now, it isn't :rolleyes:

 

My last hope was in our roommate. We were hoping his parents (the friends I've been talking about all along) would let him use the car to drive us all up. But then my husband said his mom wouldn't let Odin or me stay there. :D I have to ask my mom if I can stay with her, but I don't know if she'll say yes. I definitely don't know if she'll let Odin stay. This last paragraph does explain an option that isn't scratched off the black board yet though! We have not asked if our roommate can drive us, and I have yet to ask my mom if we can stay!

 

So you guys, I know it's hard to understand everything over the internet, it sure is hard to explain everything. I just hope that in the two plus years I've been on this board, you guys know and trust me enough to know my heart is in the right place and I will do right by Odin.

 

Thanks for all the responses. <3

 

PS: Our little piece of Toronto is heaven on earth to me, and *is* a good area to own a dog. It's called Long Branch Village, it's right on Lake Ontario, it has huge walking trails and parks, and it's beautiful. It's our home, and I want Odin there with us. It just may not be able to happen right away :D

 

Edited to add: Google "Marie Curtis Park". This used to be our front yard. We lived just a building away from Wes' parents, who live right across the street from it. We're hoping to get an apartment on the same street again, partly because we love it, but party because it's wonderful for Odin.

 

If you look at this map, you can see where we lived: 42nd Street

maphv2.gif

 

That's our home. That's Odin home. :D

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Could your husband go to Toronto and stay with his mom while saving as much as he can & you stay where you are at or maybe with your friends for a while? Then you could follow soon after when he finds a place for all of you? That was one option Chris and I were looking into when we moved to AZ. That way you can stay behind and look for jobs on the internet.

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Kee, I have NO doubt that you are a wonderful parent for both your dogs and are doing your very best to make the best choices for them. That's why it hurt so bad. If you didn't care, you'd just hand them off without thinking. But you do care so you're trying to do your best for everyone.

 

I at least (and I doubt anyone else will either) am not going to give you a hard time no matter what happens. You're checking out all your options and trying to find something that works somehow.

 

Ask, ask, and ask. The worst that happens is you get a no. Did you try asking Wes's parents if the three of you could stay for a little while?

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Could your husband go to Toronto and stay with his mom while saving as much as he can & you stay where you are at or maybe with your friends for a while? Then you could follow soon after when he finds a place for all of you? That was one option Chris and I were looking into when we moved to AZ. That way you can stay behind and look for jobs on the internet.

 

This was something we looked into as well. We can't afford for me to stay here, and staying with our friends is not an option. When we staye there last year, both their kids were in college so they had the room . . . now they do not :rolleyes:

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