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The most horrible day of my life

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Wes and I have to go back to Toronto. We're barely making ends meet here and there are no jobs. So for the past week I've been planning our trip home. We've been looking for someone to drive us and the dogs to Toronto, and in return I would give them the beautiful livingroom set and TV my neighbor sold us. I thought it was a great idea . . . we'd pay for fuel, ferry fees and meals, and the driver would get a great deal out of it.

 

My husband came into the room about an hour ago and suggested, with a very heavy heart, I know, because Odin is his "Buddy" . . . that we ask our friends who took us in last winter to adopt our babies. :rolleyes: I literally spent the last hour crying, and I'm still on the verge.

 

Wes says to think about *them* not us, but my heart is breaking. I know they'd love living in that little community, far away from any roads, acres and acres to run free on, doggie friends to play with, people there to give them attention 24/7. Odin loves it there.

 

I know they would be much happier there than cooped up in a most likely small apartment while Wes and I both work.

 

But they're my babies. And don't get me wrong, I love both my dogs, but Odin . . . Odin is my boy. He's my baby. I love him so much, how can I just give him away??? :D

 

Okay, the waterworks are back on again . . . I literally think my heart is in a million little pieces floating around in my chest right now. :D

 

Edited to add: It just don't feel right. What kind of life would I have without Odie? How could I even visit the BCB's without my BC? Who would I take videos of to post on YouTube? Who would snuggle with me and Wes at night? Who would greet us when we come home?? How would our lives ever be the SAME? He's our BABY! :D

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Ohh.... that's so hard! :rolleyes:

 

I can see both points of view. And I do believe that dogs can re-bond, form new homes and live quite happily, despite our human belief that they have to be with US.

 

Also remember there are lots of BCs on these boards who live in apartments and who are happy and joyful, being with the people they love.

 

FWIW, I knew people who'd adopted a dog from friends five years before. He was a happy dog. But if the friends came to visit, the dog was still ready to hop in the car and go off with them.

 

Good luck in making this decision. Take some time. Don't make it overnight. And your heartbreak means something, too, you know!

 

I can't imagine.

 

Mary

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IT must be a very hard decision. My dog, Hannah, would rather live with me in a cardboard box than elsewhere because she is so clingy and bonded to me so there's no way I'd ever give her up. All she does when I'm not home is lay by my side of the bed. Turbo on the other hand is younger, more outgoing, and loves people. He'd do fine being rehomed if thats what it came down to and he would love big wide open spaces. I think it really depends on the individual dog's personality.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

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While I can understand your hubbys thoughts, I dont necessarily agree. I absolutely could not give Riven up, unless I was 100 percent convinced she'd be happier elsewhere and she'd get more love, move attention there. Even then, I really dont think I could do it. It may be selfish, but Riven is my soulmate in dog form.

 

Odin loves you. You can see it in his pictures. Would hubby be ok with giving only Flora up? I mean she's still a pup, you havent had her long enough to develop that huge bond you have with Odin.

 

Lets hope that he hasnt thought long enough about it, or that the friends wont take them both. Either way, you're in my prayers.

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Wes loves Odin just as much, if not more, than I do, so this is hard for him too :rolleyes: We're talking about the guy who ordered 50 chicken wings, put on Friday the 13th movies all day and sat on the couch with Odie, sharing wings (no bones for Odie ofc) . . . They are "pals". Wes cried with me when we were discussing it earlier :D

 

With both of us working, I know it's going to be hard on Odin, especially when he could be happy as a pig in poop running around with his buddies in NL. I know it's selfish of me to want to keep him no matter what. He really bonded with these people while we lived there, and even now when they come to visit he goes crazy with excitement.

 

I just don't know if I can do it, you know? I mean, maybe he could stay here in Newfoundland with them for a while . . . but to just let him go . . . for good . . . I don't know if I'm capable of that. I know it's selfish but it hurts so much :D Plus I feel like a horrible person for even considering it. I'm the first person to say that once you commit yourself to an animal, that's it, tough it out! How can I just turn my back on my own morals?

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I've been on both sides of this. We moved from a place in the country to a teeny house in the city, and took two dogs with us. And we added two more dogs, both Border Collies, while we lived there. But I was confident that we could "make up" for the lack of space. You just need a game plan to make sure the dogs all have their routines and aren't feeling sidelined. A dog could feel like that crated all day in an apartment, or running loose on a hundred acre farm. Or either dog could feel part of the family in spite of limited space and even time.

 

But it's also true that sometimes it's not enough for a dog. Oddly, now that we have a farm, a dog has to fall within very specific parameters to fit in. I basically have time to do chores and train on sheep. Dogs that can't be happy doing sheep have to be happy doing nothing but hanging out - as Maggie and Zhi do. It's a bitter truth I had to face last year when two young dogs I had here and was having trouble geting started, began breaking out and attempting to kill sheep. They were bored out of their minds, even though I was working them nearly every day.

 

I raised those two girls from pups and was horribly disappointed. Ann slept on my bed. I wanted so badly to run Jen in flyball, I knew she'd rock, but I just didn't have the time to train her.

 

It depends both on the dog and what you can do. I believe if you make a rational and responsible decision, it's okay to cry plenty if it's one that breaks your heart, but there shouldn't be any blame.

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If your dogs, especially Odin, are really bonded to you I bet they'd be happier staying with you, despite having to deal with less space. (Like BCjetta said, in a cardboard box if necessary, some of mine are the same) Of course in a perfect world the dogs would have you and the time and space to run and play all day, but we don't live in a perfect world. If I was in your shoes, of my 6 dogs I might be able to see some of them going to a nice place like you described, but others are very bonded and clingy and life just wouldn't be the same (for them or me) without them by my side. It's a tough situation, I'm sorry things are turning out this way for you. Good luck working it all out.

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You love your dogs, and you can trust yourself to make this decision. When it comes right down to it, you'll either absolutely have to do this, or you'll absolutely be unable to. Not all hard decisions have to be decided solely on logic...there is room for the heart in this.

 

Prayers for you right now...for peace, and confidence in what you decide to do.

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This is terrible to even contemplate. I'm about 10months out of a seperation from my last two BC's, the ex adopted both of them, but I was the trainer, feeder, poop scooper, and they went to work with me about 75% of the time in my truck or van. These dogs loved her well enough, but adored me. She kept them in the breakup just to spite me, knowing full well that they should be with me.

 

It led me to HrrGrr and I have a new road now. I can't begin to advise you on yours, but I do understand your pain.

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Oh Kee, I sure feel for you. I do think you'll make the right decision if you don't rush yourselves. I think that Rebecca's post is really good. When I read your post I started thinking about how when we had our first child we had little money and little space. She slept in a dresser drawer instead of a fancy bassinet, but she had a great babyhood anyhow. It depends on the dogs and on what you can do with them. Very best wishes, and I know you'll do the right thing.

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To be honest, I'm torn on this one. Torn between doing what's best for Odin and Flora, and doing what feels best for me.

 

When put in those terms the decision seems simple . . . and yet it's not.

 

If someone came to me and said:

 

"Kee, my dogs can either come live in a City with me where they won't get enough exercise, won't see me often enough and will probably be bored OR live on a big farm, get loads of love and attention from loving, trustworthy people he adores and have the opportunity to frolic with his friends all day."

 

I think my answer to them would be "Don't be selfish - do what's best for your pet"

 

On the one hand, coming home to an empty apartment would break my heart, indeed, merely the thought just brought tears to my eyes again. On the other hand, seeing the light in Odins eyes replaced with dullness because he's alone and bored most of the day may very well break my heart too.

 

I don't even have a place to go when we get to Toronto, have I mentioned that? My inlaws say they "don't have room". So unless my birth mother says I can stay with her, *I* may not have a roof over my head soon, cause I sure as heck don't have a place to stay here. My friends would probably let me stay there if need be, but I've imposed enough on their old souls.

 

Why can't I win the lotto? :rolleyes:

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Don't forget that even if Odin's alone and bored all day, he'll just be even happier to see you when you get home! :rolleyes:

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Would the people be willing to sort of foster the dogs for you - or whatever terms you and they want to use? So that, when you can get a real place and schedule, you can take them back.

 

Heck, grandparents have been known to do that with kids.

 

Man, this economy is the pits!

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Kee,

 

I don't know how far Toronto is from Newfoundland but is there any way Odin can stay with your friends until you guys get settled? Does it really have to be all or nothing? If they would, at least the pain could be eased by know you guys will be reunited one day.

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Guest TheRuffMuttGang

This must be a very hard decision for you to make and I do not envy you.

 

That being said, it sounds to me like you don't even know if YOU will have a home, let alone your dogs, and if that is the case I think the responsible thing to do would be to find a place where you dogs would be properly cared for.

 

If you can find a place to live, my point of view is that if you can properly care for the dogs FINANCIALLY, you can ALWAYS find the time/energy to care for them properly mentally and physically if you want to. I had FOUR dogs in a 1000sqft apartment with two cats and a roommate...all while going to school fulltime and working parttime. No way would I say my dogs were deprived, uncared for, lacked attention, etc, etc, etc. We spent a lot of time at the local dog park...A LOT! They were happy. I was happy. So, it worked fine for us.

 

Now I live in a 1000sqft house with...well, 16 dogs for now. The only difference is...no cats...no roommate...and a YARD. Since I don't utilize the yard unless I am physically out there, it's not a whole lot different than living in an apartment. The bulk of my dogs' exercise is still trips to the park and other organized sports (frisbee, flyball and agility). I work fulltime, too. There are days my dogs get little to no exercise and days when they probably get too much exercise. There are days when I hardly have time to pet my dogs at all. But again, no way would I say any of them are deprived or lacking in the attention department. As Rebecca mentioned, permanent residents here really have to fit a pretty rigid mold. They have to be able to cope with not a ton of one-on-one except for in organized sports, etc. They have to be OKAY with zero exercise somedays. I have A LOT of chores to do...not farm chores...mostly cleaning, bathing, vet trips, feeding, etc. I need dogs that are okay mentally with the hecticness of my lifestyle. The fosters practically got more attention that my own dogs because they need it more.

 

Okay....rambling now...

 

Moral of the story? Keep the dogs if you think you can properly care for them financially. If you want them as bad as you say you do, you'll find a way to care for them mentally and physically. If your finances are so unsure that you're not even sure you will have a place to live, let alone the dogs, I say the only logical decision is to put the dogs in a home that is capable of caring for them. If you are lucky enough to have someone that will care for your dogs while you get on your feet, that would be the ideal solution IMO.

 

My thoughts are with you. I am sure this is a difficult thing to deal with and I am hoping you are able to work out a way to get on your feet and keep/get your dogs back with you.

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As someone who had two high-energy dogs living with me in apartments for years, I do feel I should emphasize that your dogs won't get exercise in the city...if you don't give it to them. I made sure my dogs got plenty of attention and exercise every day (just as I do now, in my house). I guess I have always exercised my dogs outside a yard, so it has never really made a difference where I lived. If you really feel that you won't be able to provide your dogs with enough attention or exercise outside a yard, then maybe that will make the decision a bit easier. But honestly, Kee, it's not that difficult to keep a dog happy and healthy in an apartment in the city.

 

Perhaps your friends can just keep Flora and Odin (or just Odin) until you are settled somewhere. It is more difficult to stay with friends with a dog (though I have done that, too).

 

I'm very sorry you're in such a position.

 

ETA: I agree 100% with Debbie regarding the financial aspect of keeping the dogs. That makes a huge difference.

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Kee,

 

I don't know how far Toronto is from Newfoundland but is there any way Odin can stay with your friends until you guys get settled? Does it really have to be all or nothing? If they would, at least the pain could be eased by know you guys will be reunited one day.

 

Toronto is roughtly 1500 miles from Newfoundland. In the four years that we lived there before, I was not able to afford a visit to my family . . .

 

In order to have Odin sent back I would need someone to drive 500 miles across the island of Newfoundland with him, to put him on a plane. Then he could be flown to Toronto. This is how he had to be sent home when we moved here, and unfortunately it's the only way to get from NL to Toronto. Last november when Odin was sent here a friend took pity on us and drove me to pick him up. The cost of the whole thing was about 1000$.

 

When we lived in Toronto before, it wasn't a big issue because I didn't work - I was home all day with Odin. And although I'm not liking the idea of handing him over to a friend, I'm not liking the idea of subjecting him to that kind of apartment life either.

 

It's not necesarily an all or nothing thing, it's just that I'm torn between two equally painful options. I feel so trapped. No, I don't want to leave him, thinking of leaving him makes me cry. But I don't know if I could deal with the guilt if he was home alone while we both worked all day either. I know alot of people make it work, but I just don't know if I could go to work for 8 or more hours a day knowing my animal is home alone.

 

I just don't know what to do, it's all so confusing :rolleyes:

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Okay, I just read some new replies that were posted while I was typing my previous one, and now I am more confused than ever.

 

I just don't understand. On the one hand I have people telling me (not on the boards) that if I keep him, it's not being fair and giving him a better home is the responsible thing to do. On the other I have people saying to take him with me no matter what, and that if I love him enough I can make it work . . .

 

If I leave him here in NL, which would be the toughest decision of my life, does that mean I don't care about him as much as I claim to? Because I think he'd have a better life here? This is such a hard thing for me to even consider, and if I do it it will be because I DO love him so much :rolleyes:

 

I'm so confused. I wish I never had to think about this. :D I just want to do what's right. That's all. But what is right?

 

Edit: Does it make me a horrible person that we're so broke now? I sure do feel like one right about now :D I know we can't predict the future, but I feel like I owe it to Odin to never be broke or something =/

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If I leave him here in NL, which would be the toughest decision of my life, does that mean I don't care about him as much as I claim to? Because I think he'd have a better life here? This is such a hard thing for me to even consider, and if I do it it will be because I DO love him so much :rolleyes:

 

 

Edit: Does it make me a horrible person that we're so broke now? I sure do feel like one right about now :D I know we can't predict the future, but I feel like I owe it to Odin to never be broke or something =/

 

Absolutely not, Kee! Sometimes doing the best for the ones you love the most is also the most difficult. It's like having to give a child up for adoption because you know they would have a better life.

 

We just hate seeing you in so much pain.

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Absolutely not, Kee! Sometimes doing the best for the ones you love the most is also the most difficult. It's like having to give a child up for adoption because you know they would have a better life.

 

We just hate seeing you in so much pain.

 

Thanks, that really, really, really, means a lot to me. I don't know how I'm going to manage to make this decision, it seems like I'm between a rock and a hard place. But at least I have you guys . . . Odin couldn't have better advisers helping to decide his fate, that's for sure!

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I didn't mean for my post to sound as though I thought that if you love your dog enough, you would bring him with you. I was trying (failing, I guess) to be encouraging that merely living in an apartment in the city often seems worse that it really has to be. It can be done, but like many aspects of dog ownership, it just depends on your personal circumstances and such (financially, other-obligation-wise, etc.). If you are really thinking of not being able to bring Odin due to more of a financial reason, then it may well be best for him to stay behind. I was responding more to your comments that you didn't want Odin to be "cooped up in a most likely small apartment while Wes and I work." In addition, you just stated that you "just don't know if I could go to work for 8 or more hours a day knowing my animal is home alone." These are different things altogether, and this is what I was addressing.

 

In the end, Kee, it's your decision. Honestly, I don't think anyone is questioning your love for your dogs. We're just trying to help you think this through.

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I know Laura, I really appreciate all the input I'm getting, I just didn't want anyone to misunderstand my attentions or affections when it comes to this situation. I'm sorry if it seemed like I singled you out, that was not my intention. I really do appreciate all the advice I'm getting, even if it does confuse me. *hugs*

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Kee I'm so sorry to hear about this. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I know it's hard to transport a dog from Newfoundland to Toronto. That's quite a trip for a human. I hope that you can come to peace with a decision. My thoughts are with you. I believe that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be. Big hugs!!

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It is the tremendous love and care we have for our dogs that lead us to seek the unthinkable. But it is that very same tremendous love and care that sees us through the impossible. Only you will know how 'doable' the move back to Toronto will be with your 'children' in tow. I can tell you this.... When I was fragile in the world....not even 20, I left my two cats with my father to raise. It was the right decision, and he ended up a happier man because of their company. When I was older...and I had the opportunity to keep my mother's Border Collie or leave her in New York with momma, I chose to leave her. I never stopped missing her. It wasn't until Meg came along that a particular hollow place inside of me started to fill.

 

Here is a question. Can you leave the dogs...until you get situated - find jobs, a dog friendly place to live, scout out all the possible dog parks etc... Can you leave them and have them send later on? This is a clever network of compassionate people who can help you retrieve them. If you leave with this option in mind....by the time you have to make a 'final' decision, you will have a little distance and know the answer much more clearly. In the meantime you will feel less like you have abandoned them.

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