The end is here

[Pippin's person]

I'm so sorry at the turn of events here--I know that you have tried hard to make things work and you are to be especially commended that you have recognized all along that this is not about something wrong with Bindi.

 

I agree with what others have suggested in terms of what will be best for Bindi and your family based on what you have described. Before you rehome her, though, you probably want to make sure that it is something that you are truly choosing to do and not something that you feel is being forced on you. Just as keeping her may lead to on-going and deepening resentment from your husband, the same may be true for you if you aren't sure in your own heart about what to do. In that case, you end up with the worst of all worlds--no dog and resentment and anger at your family. Of course I don't know you beyond what you've posted, so take this advice with as many grains of salt as you need.

 

You asked in your next post if getting a doggie friend woudl be a good idea for Bindi. It would probalby be a great idea for her, but a horrible idea for the situation in which you all currently find yourselves. If your husband doesn't want one dog, how could he possibly be interested in two? I think that sounds like setting yourself up for real misery.

 

Like others suggested, I would also very much recommend rescue rather than the humane society (or even placing her yourselves) and that's something that I think you should stand your ground on vis-a-vis your husband. If you decide to rehome her, do whatever you have to to make it clear to him that she will stay in your home (and that you will do what you can to keep her out of his hair) until suitable foster space is available. That often happens very quickly, but it is rarely as instantenous as some folks hope.

 

What you are dealing with can certainly be gut-wrenching and I'm sorry you have come to this point. But, as RaisingRiver (I think) said, your husband is where he is on this and if that's not going to change, that's something you have to accept and then do what you need to do to get Bindi into a situation where she can thrive as the kind of dog she is. As you go through the process of rehoming her, she will need you more than ever to look out for her.

[KrisK]

I'm so sorry you are in this position but sometimes the very best thing to do is the most difficult as well. I think in your heart you know that Bindi would be better off somewhere else, but it doesn't make the choice easy. She looks like a really nice dog and she deserves a chance to BE that dog. Since DH isn't happy with her, it seems that Bindi will never really have a chance. I'll second what others have said, please find a rescue not a humane society. she will have better chance of finding the right home for her.

As for your other post about a 'doggie friend for Bindi' - that would only multiply your problem since it's the DH that is having issues with the dog

Good luck and please keep us posted.

[kelpiegirl]

It is very hard when you have someone with whom you live, who won't back you up on things. Some people are just well, annoying. Anyway, there are lots of training ideas I can give you, and lots of lifestyle changes that might work. That all said, it sounds as if DH may just sabotage it all. Sleep on it a few nights, and then make your decision and stick with it. She sounds like a lovely energetic pup. Good luck.

Julie

[Alaska]

Bindi's Mom,

 

Did you try day care? Did you try one of those options where the trainer works with the dog and then works with you to show you how to do the same? I believe that you want to keep this puppy. I'm on the fence about whether it's a good idea (given what little we board members know about the situation). But one thing we have heard from you is that everyone is happier when the puppy is tired at the end of the day. This should be the first commandment of dog ownership, BC or otherwise -- first provide ENOUGH exercise each day, then expect the dog to settle down. Day care will hand you a tired dog at the end of the day, one you are all far better prepared to cope with and love. Even one day a week would make a big difference.

 

Is Bindi in a puppy class? I forget what, if any, help you have gotten from a trainer. If you want to keep this puppy, this should be your next step.

 

There are no easy answers. Border collies are not easy dogs. Border collie puppies are practically off the scale. There are exceptions, but I believe this is the rule. They don't grow up quickly, either. It's said that a border collie is not mature until it has a year under each paw. This matches my (limited) experience. You are looking at incremental progess for a long time to come, even if you did all the right things (as above).

 

Hmmm, maybe I'm not on the fence. I believe that you should not allow this puppy to break up your marriage. Your husband will be a lot better able to tolerate a laid back, adult dog that makes fewer demands on everyone. Your kids will love any dog you bring home for them. They will understand that Bindi needs a different kind of home, and that a different dog needs your home. I vote for putting Bindi in rescue, and letting a RESCUE (not a shelter) match you with the right dog for your family.

 

Did you notice that RDM offered to take Bindi? RDM may seem like an ogre here at times, but she is actually very compassionate. She does know what's best for each dog, and she will find the right home for Bindi. The dog she rehomed with me was very much loved by his first owners, but they were very much overwhelmed by his energy, just as you are with Bindi's. I'm sure it was very hard for them to give him up, just as it would be for you, but try to focus on the outcome. I believe that in the end, you will sleep better knowing you did the right thing for all involved.

 

Good luck.

[Beth G]

My heart too goes out to you. I understand you are doing the best you can.

But it is hard when your whole family is not helping you or is just totally dead set against helping you.

 

I am just so sorry that your husband is being so difficult.

 

My hubby may give me flak about the dogs, but he understands just how much they mean to me, and he loves them too.

 

I may do most of the work but that's ok, because I don't mind.

I enjoy it, and that is understood between us and we as a family are all ok with that!

[Jack & Co.]

That was a very good post, Alaska.

 

Ditto to your suggestion of letting RDM take Bindi.

[MrSnappy]

RRRRRRRRR.

 

(I'm an ogre)

 

RDM

[Bindi Mom]

Thanks everyone for your honesty. I've been thinking and praying about this for the last day and have decided I'm not giving Bindi up. I know I am waffling like a crazy person but somehow we will make it work. I've read every one of your responses and I appreciate all of them.

 

From here on out, I vow to you all that I will not be a whiner. I know I am going to continue to need help from you all - so please bear with me. I will continue training with Bindi and we are going to enroll in the next class after basic obedience (she graduated from that a few months ago).

 

 

Mary & Bindi

[Guest Freckles LaLa Mom]

Thanks everyone for your honesty. I've been thinking and praying about this for the last day and have decided I'm not giving Bindi up. I know I am waffling like a crazy person but somehow we will make it work. I've read every one of your responses and I appreciate all of them.

 

From here on out, I vow to you all that I will not be a whiner. I know I am going to continue to need help from you all - so please bear with me. I will continue training with Bindi and we are going to enroll in the next class after basic obedience (she graduated from that a few months ago).

 

 

Mary & Bindi

 

 

Unless the entire family is going to pitch in....she should be re-homed. EVERYONE needs to be on the same page for her to be successful as a member of your brood...

[BCMomma]

Good luck to you! I wish you all the best and I admire your decision to continue on with your training and care for your Bindi.

 

My husband wasn't much of a dog person when we first met but I came with a Border Collie and an old cat so he tolerated them from the get go.

 

We now have two BC's that we've raised together since they were puppies and I gave him certain tasks in their care and now he can't remember a day without "his girls". Of course I did the majority of the puppy care/training but he watched and I included him in it all as much as I could and as much as he was open to.

 

Deep breaths and just love your Bindi it will all work out OK - I'm counting on it for you!!

[andie71]

If all of the family is on the same page, GO FOR IT!!!! She is a beautiful lass. These are very intelligent dogs and they definitely pick up on people's feelings. So hopefully your DH is as committed as you. It's really important that he is committed to training her in a positive manner.

[runningdogs-]

. I know I am going to continue to need help from you all - so please bear with me. I will continue training with Bindi and we are going to enroll in the next class after basic obedience (she graduated from that a few months ago).

If you are going to keep her is there any chance you could get your husband to take her to the class or at least come with you?? Maybe that would help him, and her She is beautiful, Good luck!!

[Moss]

I have just read this whole thread. I wish you all the luck in the world with Bindi. Has your husband come around to the idea of keeping her and working on her training? He also needs to understand that Bindi is just a pup and needs consistent behaviour from the whole family and the whole family to pitch in with her continued socialisation and training.

 

I really, really hope it works out for you all.

[sluj]

This has probably been said, but: training the dog isn't the hard part; training the handler is. It is entirely possible to get a dog who behaves beautifully for you, but is still a monster towards your husband. Of course, you may be able to work this to your advantage, if he observes it. But until he decides to help, whatever he does with Bindi will undermine your efforts.

 

Oh, and on the note of having a sibling for Bindi - is there anyone whose (well-behaved) dog you can borrow? Puppies seem to learn bite-inhibition best from other dogs, and social play time is great for wearing them out.

[katherinelynne]

I am so glad you were able to decide I know the stress of not knowing what you are going to do must make things even harder. Good luck with Bindi she is lucky to have someone willing to commit to her care and keep her best intrest in mind.Your willingness to exam all the choices even the hardest one of giving her up shows how deeply you care.I hope all works out just the way you want it to, best wishes!

[painted_ponies]

DH is being a huge, gigantic @$$ about this and it doesn't bother me that you are calling me out on it. I appreciate your honesty. He didn't want a dog and makes it very clear when Bindi steps out of line. It's annoying and obnoxious...and I tell him that. He has started helping with her the last couple of weeks - taking her on walks, etc. I don't like the way he trains or disciplines her though. He is loud and hard and I know from this board that BC's don't respond well to that.

<snip>

I know in my heart that she is going to be an awesome dog. My boys don't want to give her up, I don't want to give her up, DH does. That being said, I just don't know if the fight is worth it. Maybe I should go with Dixie_Girl and kennel him!

 

If DH didn't want the dog to start with, it seems a little unfair to expect him to help with her. In your place, I'd tell him not to have anything further to do with her. He's either taking out his resentment of having his wishes ignored on the dog, or he's just not a very good dog handler - but either way, he doesn't need to be working your dog. In the unlikely event he wants to help with her, maybe he can go with you to the next training class and learn how to do it properly.

 

I remember you said one of your boys is 11 - is the other one older or younger? How much of Bindi's care can you make them responsible for? Seems to me the fair thing is to have the people who want to keep Bindi, taking care of Bindi.

[Bindi Mom]

Painted Ponies - my other son is 7 so he doesn't do anything for Bindi except feed her with supervision.

 

Yes, I'm going to have DH go to the next series of classes with me. I think if he is shown how to properly handle a BC then he will be fine. He had a yellow lab growing up and we have had 2 dogs together so he knows how to handle and work with a dog. I would agree that part of the problem is he wasn't on board when we got her. I have faith that he will come around.

 

I've heard differing opinions on this but Bindi is going to puppy daycare on Wed for the day. I looked at this place last week and made an appointment. My hope is that the other dogs there will teach her how to behave around dogs - she has no manners with other dogs.

[Guest LJS1993]

Hmmmmmmmmm, so puppy daycare will in many ways be Bindi's job. Could work a little bit. BC's do need a good job.

[Guest LJS1993]

Painted Ponies - my other son is 7 so he doesn't do anything for Bindi except feed her with supervision.

 

Yes, I'm going to have DH go to the next series of classes with me. I think if he is shown how to properly handle a BC then he will be fine. He had a yellow lab growing up and we have had 2 dogs together so he knows how to handle and work with a dog. I would agree that part of the problem is he wasn't on board when we got her. I have faith that he will come around.

 

I've heard differing opinions on this but Bindi is going to puppy daycare on Wed for the day. I looked at this place last week and made an appointment. My hope is that the other dogs there will teach her how to behave around dogs - she has no manners with other dogs.

 

 

However keep in mind Labs are much different than BC's. Not trying to beat this to death mind you, just trying to be helpful.

[clara]

Bindi's mom, I have *sort of* a similar situation with my DH, just in terms of BC training. My husband has always had harder headed dogs like Labs, and our current oldster, a Springer. He is a little more about compulsion training, and did a great job with our Springer, without ever having it backfire. But when we're training with Ling, he really gets overbearing for her temperment sometimes. When she "refuses" to do something, he takes it as defiance and wants to "make her" do it, or tell me to "make her" listen and do what I'm asking of her. Sometimes, I agree, this is appropriate, but when we're doing agility or some other fun brain work, it just doesn't work with her. So maybe, if your husband doesn't come around to your style of training, you can just do what I did, and say "hands off my dog!". He is not allowed to touch her or talk to her when I am teaching her obedience, a trick or doing an agility drill. He can watch, but has to bite his tongue and stay on the porch!

 

I know this seems opposite of what everyone else is saying about getting him on the same page as you, but maybe if you can just get him to be consistent with whatever you are doing, even if that means shutting up and leaving the room, you can get some peace with your training.

 

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, I empathize, and I'm and hoping you can come up with a solution to your situation!

[borderlicious]

Unless the entire family is going to pitch in....she should be re-homed. EVERYONE needs to be on the same page for her to be successful as a member of your brood...

 

Sorry, I disagree. I live quite peacefully with a father who absolutely despises one of my dogs. He tries to make every mistake the dog makes into a big deal. My solution? Keep the dog under control and away from him. If everyone in my family was involved in the raising of my dogs, it would be a disaster. I don't care if I'm the only one doing the training/feeding/walking/grooming. Should my puppy be rehomed because my parents don't do anything with her?

 

Bindi Mom - I'm glad you decided to keep her. It sounds like you are dedicated to making this work and one less dog in rescue is always a good thing to me. Randomly, it sounds like Bindi is a little too wild, even for her age. She should have some self control by now. Have you considered getting lessons on how to handle her?

[andie71]

Not to make things more difficult but doggie daycare in NOT a panacea. Unless the daycare has well trained staff that supervise the dogs closely, it can cause potential problems. Of course an owner takes a risk sending their dog to doggie daycare. THat goes without saying. Cody was bitten by another dog (who knows why) but the group leader taking care of the dogs didn't even know it happened. I noticed he was hurt when I picked him up that evening and saw blood on his neck. Well, 5 staples later and 10 days of antibiotic and he's just fine. But I nixed the idea of sending him there. Dogs can learn a lot of undesirable behaviors there, as well. Prior to doggie daycare, he didn't bark a lot. But after going to doggie daycare 3 days a week (maybe it was too much), he developed a barking habit whenever I was in the lobby (dropping or picking him up) when another person entered the lobby. Before that, he didn't bark when people came into our house, or a place where we were. One thing doggie daycare will do... Bindi will be exhausted when she gets home. Cody doesn't go to daycare any more. I've arranged for a dog walker to walk and play with him 2x a day. Also, I get up around 6am and take him for a 30 min walk before work (quality time). I wouldn't look to doggie daycare as a solution (but you probably aren't).

[leahluvsherpups]

Did you ever take puppers to single classes ( just you and pup?) It is so important to socialise and train doggies. Otherwise if you think this dog is hopeless, I will take her in. I know that Bob is out for a few weeks but he trusts me. Bindi will learn.

[Beth G]

I admire you for hanging in there. Just curious what was your husband's response to you when you told him that you refuse to give up Bindi? And is he just opposed to BC's ? Or other breeds too?

 

You know if he is willing to let you keep her as long as you do all the work, maybe it could work.

 

But I imagine, you would need to wear her out everyday and do some mental exercises to help calm her and wear her out so she would be easier to keep out of his hair?

 

I wish you luck, and I hope that it works out for the best.

[WyoBC]

I'm glad your not going to give her up. I think that dertermation will help a lot. It will be a lot of work and there'll be lots of hard times but I know you'll stick with it.

 

We kind of have that problem also. He's not good with working with them, and doesn't want to be. His way of training them to heel is kicking them to make them get behind, so when he says "heel" they run behind you in in fear. That's why he can't go around Black Jack. It makes him mad but I don't care. Sorry, rant over.

 

It could work taking him to the classes. Maybe he'll learn how to work with a BC. They do need to be trained way different than other dogs. I think BC's and labs are about as different to train as you can get. They're totaly different kinds of dogs.

 

I wish you the best of luck on working with her, and I hope your DH comes around. I can tell you love Bindi to death and could never give her up. I hope it all works out for you.