192 replies to this topic

[donna frankland (uk)]

hi all.
i have been going through a real rough time just lately dealing with what a nurse tells me is depression. if i am honest it has been going on a long time and i didnt know how to deal with it.
i dealt with it by creating a fantasy world for myself which i came to rely on, and now have realised is not good and not fair on the many internet freinds i have made. you all think that i am something i am not and i will try to rectify that.
i owe all of you an apology and if after this you want me to leave the list, i understand completely.
some of you may remember ages ago i was going on about brighids breeder and how wonderful he is.
well i still think he is a good man and certainly produces some exceptional dogs.
i said that he did not breed his bitch till he knew she was a good worker, didnt advertise his pups etc. well shame facedly i made that up so that people might think that i was a wonderfully responsible person.
i know it may not seem a big deal to some of you, i also expect some of you to be livid with me for lying to you. it has haunted me since the day i wrote that post and i am utterly ashamed of myself.
i do not see why i felt the need to make it up know as i know the man has his dogs interest at heart, and he did pick me the most wonderful pup in brighid, i couldnt have asked for a better dog.
the truth isnt terrible he does advertise locally, has no worries about telling someone if he doesnt think they would make a good owner and then refuse to sell them a dog etc.
i cant bear the thought of my dishonesty to you all go on any longer, so now you know.
i am so sorry for feeling the need to make stuff up to make myself feel good, and if i ever find out why i did that (if i ever get to see a counsellor) i will let you know.
it was pathetic of me to feel the need to lie to you all, when i never had to say anything at all.
i have no need to defend the breeder as he is doing nothing wrong at all.
i made it up so i felt good (when i had nothing to feel bad about :confused: ) . i have felt like crap since and am sorry it took so long to come clean to you all.
i hope this makes some sort of sense.
i also hope that you believe me when i say i am normally a very honest person and this is completely out of charachter for me.
i am sorry i have let you all down, but at least i have told the truth now.
love
donna
ps, this is the only thing i have made up, so please dont hink the rest of my posts were all false

[karrie]

(((HUGS))) Depression can be a tough monkey to shake. I'm sorry you felt you needed to. I don't think badly of you. I still like you and look forward to your posts about your adventures with Brighid. Chin up. May some sunshine lighten your load my friend.

[Lunar]

Donna - I don't know you very well, but I wanted to extend my support. I think it's pretty common for people to fudge the truth in cases where there are really strong opinions about something, for fear of people being angry and accusatory. Especially when you have low self-esteem (depression can really take a toll). I'm sorry you felt that lying was the way to make yourself feel better. I hope getting it off your chest helps.

I have dealt with depression for many years now. It can be very hard. There are days where I can't tell up from down, but luckily they aren't all that frequent anymore. Has your doctor discussed any medication with you? It's not always the right answer, but it certainly has changed the way I live my life, and I'm very thankful for the option. Sometimes you just need some help to lift the grey curtain, you know?

Good luck in your journey.

[Eileen Stein]

Donna, what you just posted is IMO a classic sign of depression. You are giving a tiny deviation from the truth WAY too much importance, blowing it way out of proportion.

You may remember that I wrote you about this breeder, and we corresponded briefly about him. You mentioned in private email a little detail about him, and said that you hadn't posted it to the Boards because you didn't want to make him look bad. I remember wondering at the time why you thought it would make him look bad -- it didn't sound bad at all to me. Neither does advertising locally. I hope the breeder you bought from is a fantastic breeder in every respect, but if he has a few flaws, that will not make him any different than the rest of us.

You are very welcome on the Boards. You are one of the nicest, kindest members we have. I could learn a lot worse than this about you, believe me, and still want you to stay with us.

I know first-hand that obsessing over one's faults and feeling oneself to be a bad person who doesn't deserve the love and respect of others is a classic symptom of depression. I hope you can get good medication for it, since the right medication can be miraculous with depression, and if for some reason you can't, I hope it will just go away, as it often does, and leave you happy and carefree.

I repeat -- you are very welcome here.

[Miztiki]

This is what I call a sincere, heartfelt apology, and one I will gladly accept.

Thanks for coming clean Donna. That was mighty big of you.

[donna frankland (uk)]

aw thanks you guys.
no the dr has not discussed meds with me, the community psychiatric (sp) nurse was in the following day and he told me to go and see her.
i did, which helped and she said she didnt want to try meds just yet but to go see her again in a fortnight. i have asked her to find out how i go about getting councelling and she will let me know. she also told me to try st johns wort, so i am but it will take a while to kick in.
i have certainly learned that lying is not the way to feel better, it makes things 1000000% worse, especially when i had no earthly need to do so at all.
thankyou for not hating me

[sandra s.]

You have my support as well. For what it's worth, I'm guilty of the passive version of what you described; I sometimes keep my thoughts about certain topics to myself, even though I feel very strongly about them, just to avoid the consequences of disagreeing with things that are "absolutes" on these boards. It's not all that different, and I'm pretty sure that there are more people here who do that.
It's very brave of you to write this! I hope you feel better now you've done it.

[donna frankland (uk)]

eileen, that was my paranoia speaking from knowing i had lied to you about it. i doubt he is the best breeder in many peoples eyes (no registration etc) but he is certainly not among the worse, no where near it and i would happily get another pup from him! (but not for a little while, no more puppies for me for a long time!) he produces the kind of dog i like and i am still amazed at his matchmaking skills, brighid is perfect for me!
i already feel so much better from just admitting it. you are so kind and i am very glad i am still welcome here as i feel among friends and that is what i truly need right now!
it sound as if you know a thing or two about depression, could you tell me is it normal to be scared of finding out the real cause of it? i know i must do it, but there is stuff in my head from when i was little that i dont know i want to remember properly just yet.
sorry i am blabbering now!
miz, as usual you are a star! thankyou all.

[prosperia]

Shoot. . thats all?
Girl, dont give it a second thought.
Ditto to what everyone else said.
I still love ya.

[donna frankland (uk)]

sandra, yes i do! it should have been done months ago. thankyou.
i am now off to bed to actually sleep, if i am not around much in the next few weeks please understand.
brighid and tikki both say hello to you all (though tikki would feel much better if his homeopath was feeling better and able to help his feet again!)

[Kitch]

Don't worry about it! I certainly don't think worse of you for it - in fact I think it was very brave of you to say anything at all. I don't think your "lie" was a big deal, but I do think it is a big deal that you have started to face your depression - that takes guts. I wish you the best and if you ever need to "talk" feel free to shoot me an email!

Kerry

[Claire Owen]

Ahhh Donna, I sympathise with you. I too suffer depression, have done for A LONG TIME now. I also found myself 'bending' the truth, in my mind it was to make myself feel validated. I wanted people to agree with me and definately NOT think badly of me coz that would have made me feel worse.. I cant explain it properly but in the end the line between reality and my 'fantasy life' got too thin and I just did what you did, i came clean and that made me feel sooooo much better. I know how much courage it took and I'm proud of you for doing it too.

And yes , I cant say its normal but I felt scared of what caused the depression, i knew what it was deep down but didnt want to think about or aknowledge it.

Keep your chin up hunny, things will get better, surround yourself with your friends and loved ones... thats usually a good tonic for anything

((((((((hugs)))))))))

[nancy in AZ]

Donna, I admire the courage it took for you to write this, and it really speaks well of your character. I think your perception of any wrong you feel you may have commited on this forum was much greater than anything you actually did. I hope you can forgive yourself because it sounds like you are being overly hard on yourself. I doubt that there are any here who feel you did anything to warrant feeling guilty or ashamed of. You have been, and will continue to be a valued member of this community.

[BustopherJones]

If people didn't make mistakes, God would not have put erasers on pencils.

You are treasured not because of what you say or don't say, but who you are. Your kindness and warmth are evident in your posts; and it is on that that I base my judgments. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I have lost count; so I certainly will not sit in judgment on someone else.

[Tammy525]

Donna,

Please continue to try and get the help you need. Often when depression surfaces and threatens to overtake your life, that means it is time to face the cause. My experience with these kinds of things suggests that there is no avoiding searching through what ails you, once it starts to cause symptoms like you have been having. Take courage. The road is hard, but you have been through worse and come out alive. You will get through this as well as long as you keep trying.

I commend all who have been supportive of Donna. You need your friends right now, Donna, and you need to avoid any people that bring you down further (that you can, we all have had difficult bosses or family members we just can't get away from!)

It took a lot of courage to apologize like you did. I, too, think you are being overly hard on yourself.

[Kyrasmom]

I've never been depressed but my husband of almost ten years is clinically depressed so I live with the effects almost as much as he does. Take strength in the fact that you're taking the proper steps in helping yourself by dealing with it front on, being in the form of an apology you owed nobody, but more importantly in seeking help.

Life is too short to not enjoy the beauties that surround us, that is always something that tears me apart about my husband, the inability to enjoy life to its fullest.

Don't be afraid of counceling or medication, there are multiple avenues available to ensure that your life is happy and fulfilling. And the pooch sure doesn't hurt.

Big hug!
Maria

[ccnnc]

Donna....

We're family, linked by the dogs. You have been, and will be, a very special part of us.

All of us are channeling some very positive energy your way.

Be well.

Colin

[Sue R]

Donna - You're still a part of "the family" here. We're here for you!

You've always been a sweet and positive contributor to the USBCC boards, and we expect you to continue being part of our worldwide Border Collie community.

Best wishes for getting this taken care of soon and feeling well.

BIG HUGS!

[urge to herd]

Donna,

I thank you for your honesty, and want to echo what Eileen posted - both that it's not that huge a deal and that your dwelling on it is a sign of depression.

I've had clinical depression/anxiety all my life, from childhood, and I know what a toll it can take. Please do continue your counselling, and reconsider the medication aspect. I've done years of therapy and 12 step programs. While they helped enormously, probably kept me alive, the biggest change came when I got appropriate medication. Nothing has had a bigger impact on my life than the medication. Taking it doesn't make my life problem free, it allows me to face and deal with what ever it is in a sane fasion.

Please, please, please, keep getting help. You've been an asset to these boards, and I hope you keep posting.

Ruth

[Miztiki]

You have no idea how timely your post is. You are not the only one who bends the truth. People have different reasons for doing so. Some people want so badly for people to like them, so they will say what the other person wants to hear. Some people are afraid of confrontation, so will say things to avoid that, or withhold the truth. Some people do not like to be wrong, so they will justify their actions with a twisting of the truth, or sometimes even a bald-faced lie. Some people are not even truthful with themselves and therefore will unconsciously be untruthful with others.

There are reasons people do these sorts of things, and much of it can be traced back to their upbringing. I myself had a horrible upbringing and it took me many, many years to become the person I am today. I was bored one day and started reading the bible. I read it front to back, like a book. I didn't even believe in God at the time. I've read it several times since then and it's changed me completely.

I know you're not a Christian and I'm not bringing this up for any reason except to tell you what helped me, and because I want to give credit where credit is due.

I think that your admission is a very good indication that you can overcome your problems. Yes, it is scary to face your past and to see yourself for who you really are. The great and wonderful thing is that you have the power to change yourself.

We all have faults. Some not only recognize their faults but also take steps to correct them. Those are the people I most respect in life. You have my full support Donna, and the love of a friend who cares.