OT: How to politely ask my mother-in-law to leave her dogs at home?

[Allie+Tess&Kipp]

Sorry, I do ramble on a bit here.

 

My mother-in-law has two Boston terriers. One is fine. The other one is a pain and won't leave my dogs alone. At Thanksgiving, he just never quit and my dogs never got a break from him bothering them.

 

I already know her dogs would be fine left at home alone. For when we visit my parents to do Christmas stuff, I would prefer she left her dogs at home. My parents do not care either way, but would prefer my dogs to be comfortable instead of completely stressed out.

 

I know she will be offended no matter what I say, but I want to make it sound like my dogs need for her dogs to stay at home and not that it is some personal thing. My dogs get really stressed around this dog. It is obvious with panting, hiding, resource guarding of people, etc. -- none of this is usual for them around people they like, especially Kipp.

 

I can sequester my dogs in the bathroom, but this is not fair. They are not at fault in any way and they are miserable in there, away from everyone, and even worse is how my mother-in-law's dog taunts them from the other side of the gate in the doorway. My mother-in-law would never consent to putting her dog in the bathroom.

 

To top it off, my dad is allergic to dogs. My mother-in-law never bathes her dogs so my dad ends up with a huge allergy attack whenever he is around them for more than about 10 minutes. I wash my dogs the night before we visit and he never is bothered by them. I can't bring this issue up, though.

 

I could probably have my mom ask my mother-in-law to leave her dogs at home this time, and she may take less offense to my mom asking. But it is not my mom's issue, it's mine, so I don't like to ask my mom to do that. It might be more polite to have it come from my mom, though, since it is her house? And if I am the one to ask, how can I put it so it is polite, even if it does offend her?

 

I've already had to ban the problem dog from my own house, since he marked all over everything last time he was here. If he comes here, he has to wait in their car while they are visiting. Needless to say, she is not pleased with that.

 

Allie + Tess & Kipp

http://weebordercollie.com

[MrSnappy]

I don't mean for this to sound rude, but it's rather presumptuous of you to want her dogs to stay home while you bring yours. I'd be pretty offended if I were her.

 

Why don't you leave your dogs at home if they have a problem with her dog? I mean, her dog sounds like a pain (or a typical Boston ) but (you and) your dogs are the one who have a problem with the dog. I don't think it's really fair to ask her not to bring her dogs because you have a problem with them. I mean, it's not your house they will all be at. If your parents don't have a problem with it, it's not your place to tell her she can't bring her dogs.

 

However, you say your dad is allergic, so maybe have everyone leave their dogs at home so your father doesn't have any allergen related problems at all? That seems the fairest solution of all, imo. But not if you bring yours and she can't.

 

It's not the worst thing in the world for your dogs to spend the day at home (or hers either). But I don't think you can tell someone what to do at someone else's house, and if your dogs are invited your MILs should be too.

 

I leave my dogs home at Christmas when I got to my parents'. I'd like to bring my dogs but my mother would prefer I did not, and it's her house so I don't. So far, they've all still been alive when I get back.

 

RDM

[ShoresDog]

Sounds like you're a great dog owner. However, this isn't really a dog question. It's a mother-in-law question. And there are NO RIGHT ANSWERS in that category!! My suggestion is to leave your dogs home, be a terrifically good sport, smile, and think of all the good karma you're accumulating.

[borderlicious]

I think you should have your parents take it up with your MIL, personally. Not that it's their issue, but it's their house and she's more likely to respect what they say about dogs in the house.

 

If I were you, I'd talk to your parents and see if they would be willing to put some restrictions on what she can do with her dogs when she brings them over.

 

Also, I understand you doing this because it is YOUR parents, but I think your MIL bringing her dogs over, period, is rude. I wouldn't dream of bringing my dogs to someone else's home and letting them run offlead without permission.

 

Jmo.

[muddy bob]

I guess you have to decide what is more important. Getting along with family or getting what you want. I'm with RDM. Then your mother is not put in the difficult position of making this request on your behalf.

 

muddy

[Alicia]

I kinda agree with RDM. I'd say that you leave your dogs at home and then have your mom ask you MIL to leave hers as well as your father is allergic. No one should take offense to someone being allergic to dogs, especially if everyone leaves the dogs at home.

[Allie+Tess&Kipp]

Why don't you leave your dogs at home if they have a problem with her dog?

Because her dog is the problem. My dogs are not the problem.

 

ETA:

 

I live 1.5 hours away and have to travel by ferry. If the ferry were shut down (happens often in bad weather -- snow, fog, wind all can shut it down for the day) I would not be able to get home. She lives 20 minutes away--no ferry. Her dogs would be home alone for about 2 hours. Mine would be home alone for about 10 hours, and there is a chance I would not make it home at all if the ferry were shut down.

 

My dogs are crated when I am gone. Her dogs have free run of the house and a dog door.

 

My dogs never bother my dad's allergies. Hers do every time.

 

Also, my parents LIKE my dogs. They WANT them to come.

 

Allie + Tess & Kipp

http://weebordercollie.com

[borderlicious]

Allie,

 

Then perhaps you could explain that to your MIL. It doesn't sound unreasonable to me and under those circumstances I wouldn't be offended.

 

I was assuming that you could easily get back to your dogs, as well.

[muddy bob]

Your concerns about being stranded are legitimate but this could still lead to hurt feelings. How important are the MIL's feelings? Will she get over the insult quickly or will she hold it against you forever? What do you think will be the outcome if she is asked to leave the dogs at home? Perhaps she will just stay away in the future and then your dilemma will be gone. How does your hubby feel? Can he help you out in this situation? So many questions to your one.

I'm sure you will figure out the right answer for you. But for me I'd just crate my own dogs and let them outside to play at intervals. Family peace is priceless so I'd just tell myself not to sweat over the small stuff and try to enjoy myself.

 

muddy

[juliepoudrier]

I like Muddy's suggestion: your parents can invite all dogs with the expectation (which might have to be spelled out) that all will be crated (in separate rooms), and your and your MIL's dogs will be let in out in turns so everyone gets to bring their dogs, and no dog has to be harrassed. When her dogs are out, yours are in a crate behind a closed door, and vice versa. That would be the easiest way to avoid hurt feelings, and all dogs would get time out of the crates to interact with family. If anyone chooses not to provide a crate for their dog(s) then that dog isn't allowed to come. That way no one is the good guy or bad guy and your MIL doesn't feel singled out--all are treated the same (and when your MIL isn't around, your dogs can run free as usual).

 

J.

[shelb'smum]

I agree as well with muddy and julie, and will add... maybe you could Casually suggest that Tipp Kess and the two terrors go and get groomed the day before? or mention to her those wipes mentioned in an ealier post.. Allerpet? I think

 

 

Edit: Maybe also tell her that you are worried about the prolonged irration of your two and how they might re-act to it... they may or may not snap at him.. but she doesn't need to know that they won't... she should just be concerned for her dog

[Beth G]

I see a few solutions.

 

1)You can both bring your dogs and crate them.

2) You can both board your dogs over night somewhere.

3) You can try again like last year.

 

Also,I would have her bathe her dogs. Or rather have your mom DEMAND she bathe them or don't bring them at all.

 

Also do her dog's mark inside your Mom and dad's house too?

[Coloradogirl]

You know,

 

I have dogs 4 of the wonderful fury pawed creatures, my mom has 2, my younder sister 6 and my older sister 4. I would NEVER take my dogs to any of their homes without permission, then I would NOT let them run free and urinate and poo all over the place. My younger sister on the other hand will bring all of her dogs to my house and to tell you the truth it just pssss's me off, she lets them out of the truck they run all over the place, poop and pee in my yard(my own dogs do not do that). They come into the house uninvited and wreak havoic in the house get on the furniture, wrestle and put hair and slober everywhere and the house looks like a tornado went through it. Now with that said, when she leaves the dogs at home, my house still looks the same way when the family leaves.

 

To bring the dogs to my MIL house.......... NO WAY!!! Her house is SOOOO CLEAN that you could eat off of the toilet seat.........I have the opposite problem with her, she is always trying to give my dogs away, which REALLLLLYYYYYY PSSSS'S me off even more.

[Coloradogirl]

HMMM reading what I just posted, shows my mood today........ Guess everything is pssssing me off today.

 

OH, and we live on acerage that is why my dogs do not do their duty in the yard.

[prosperia]

Well I dont have anything to add really. I like the suggestions of altenating crate time, although if her dogs are not used to being crated then you'd have to deal with a lot of yapping.

 

Colorado Girl, I just noticed your siggy. I have that compact disc! (not using the dreaded two letter abreviation to avoid a server meltdown)

[Hector]

From the facts you have presented, if I were in your shoes I would have a (hopefully) friendly conversation with MIL. I would tell her that you can't leave your dogs at home because of the risk of the ferry shutting down, and that you aren't comfortable with the way her problem dog bothers your dogs. So ask if she would PLEASE agree to leave her dogs at home. If she says no then you have two choices: (1) take your dogs along and keep them crated away from her dog, or (2) stay home on Christmas. If you stayed at home this Christmas, then perhaps MIL would understand that she is really causing you a problem. For her not to recognize this indicates that she is either dense or selfish.

[Root Beer]

I don't have any suggestions, just a similar situation.

 

My MIL always wanted to bring her Bichon to our house. My only problem with that is that the dog wasn't housebroken. She "doesn't like to 'go' outside when it's raining", so she could go wherever whenever.

 

I started to insist that she be walked in the yard until she would "go" or she had to be crated in the house.

 

MIL decided to leave her dog home after that.

 

Maybe insisting on having the dogs crated might influence her to leave her dogs at home?

[Barb Scott]

My sister politely asked for my dogs to stay home; they do, but I stay home with them. She can't have it both ways. Is this what you want?

Barb Scott