Wtf? What is her deal?

[D'Elle]

You have had lots of good advice already.

I will just add this one thing:

My experience working with very shy and frightened foster dogs taught me a few things, and one of the most important things I learned is that one of the most valuable things a person can do when starting to work with a frightened dog is to get figuratively down on the dog's level (or even literally, if that will help), and do your very best to see things from that dog's perspective.

 

I mean, try *really* hard to do this. Spend several minutes each day, or even longer if you have the time, just doing your best to imagine what it is like to be that dog.

Do it as if it were a meditation.

Forget your ego, forget your personality, and forget your ambitions for the dog or your relationship. Just try to be the dog.

 

this isn't woo-woo. It's an attempt to develop the greatest empathy you can with the dog.

Empathy, not sympathy.

 

If you can get a look through the dog's eyes, even for a moment, it will really help. You will see that pushing doesn't help, getting frustrated doesn't help, getting mad doesn't help. The only thing that will help is time and a very great deal of patience.

 

Don't think about how long it has taken or might yet take. Or about what you want it to be right now. Just be willing to let the dog take her own time. And go gently.

 

Imagine how you would want to be treated if everything you knew was suddenly different and you were frightened and had no idea what was going to happen to you or what was expected of you. You don't understand the language or the customs and some things scare the lights out of you. You would want someone to explain things to you carefully and gently in a way you could understand and to try to make you comfortable so that you could adjust. If someone did that for you, you would be so grateful.

 

Think of it this way: the time will go by in any case. At the end of six months or a year or whatever you will either have a frightened dog who has made no progress or you may have a dog who has come out of her shell at least somewhat. You may as well spend that time doing what will help. Patience, patience. It will be so worth it in the end, trust me.

[Root Beer]

I want to share something and I don't know if it will be helpful or not, but I want to share it anyway.

 

Tessa was not only terrified of every living person, including myself, but she seriously did not trust me. She learned to tolerate my presence relatively quickly (I didn't mess with her much), but there was nothing resembling affection.

 

We decided to adopt her because she became very attached to two things - our furniture and our other dogs. She used to blend herself in among the dogs (I had four at the time) and slip in and out of doors and just try to "hide" among them. She bonded very quickly with Maddie and Dean, and even she and Speedy quickly formed a very peaceable relationship. And I would find her curled up on a chair, her eyes closed, with the only look of peace I would see on her face at the time.

 

I could not put her out even though I realized that she might never be able to form any kind of attachment to any person.

 

I struggled with the decision to adopt her. Somehow I knew it was right to give her a home, but I honestly considered whether or not I would have the understanding and patience to live years with a dog who might never like, much less have anything resembling affection, for me.

 

I made the decision to accept that possibility. I decided that Dean has enough affection for ten dogs and that I was going to accept Tessa for who she was and give her a good home.

 

The very next morning when I woke up there was a dog chin on my knee. Somehow I knew exactly who it was. When she realized that I was awake, she crawled up toward my face, and she rolled right into my arms.

 

I knew right then that everything was going to be OK with us.

 

I am the only person she trusts completely. I literally think she would follow me off a cliff.

 

But I am also convinced that somehow she sensed that I was going to take her as she was. And she responded by giving me the first little bit of her trust.

 

It won't happen that way with every fearful dog, but I do think that acceptance and being willing to meet the dog where he or she is at is a key to starting to move forward . . . .

 

Tessa's love and trust is a gift that I treasure more than almost anything in the world.

[Debbie Meier]

I would try something to see if it's the door way or the requirement of coming into your pressure to get into the house or the pressure of other dogs. Simply leave the door open and walk out around her and see if she elects to go into the house vs. staying in the yard with you.

 

Pressure sensitivity can make a dog reactive, if it's that she is having problems with the pressure then work on getting her comfortable with being in close proximity of you no matter what you are doing. You don't want to turn her into a lap dog or force her to accept being near you, especially when you are moving, because when she had the option she will elect to stay further from you and anything that makes her uncomfortable.

 

We aware of how fast you move and how fluid the motions are, pay close attention to what she is reacting too and help her get comfortable with it. Another dog can actually make it worse some times, may need to crate the other dog(s) up and give her complete one on one time until she gets comfortable with what ever requirements and expectations you have.

[juliepoudrier]

FWIW, my four month old pup has decided she can't come through the door, and nothing bad has happened to her in her short life (if you don't count the trauma of being toweled off after coming in from the rain). I'm using treats and patience.

 

Re: growling. Growling is a warning. Correct her for that and you take away the warning. If she's growling at people in the yard, she's over her comfort level and I would remove her from the situation rather than correct her. This early in your relationship you want her experiences and interactions with humans to be positive. She doesn't trust any of you yet. Corrections won't help with that trust at this point.

 

J.

[Shetlander]

If you can get a look through the dog's eyes, even for a moment, it will really help. You will see that pushing doesn't help, getting frustrated doesn't help, getting mad doesn't help. The only thing that will help is time and a very great deal of patience.

 

Don't think about how long it has taken or might yet take. Or about what you want it to be right now. Just be willing to let the dog take her own time. And go gently.

 

I had an extremely fearful dog. It was genetic. He came to me at 7 weeks and was always well treated, but numerous people assured me he must have been abused. Genetics. Experience. A combination of the two, what matters is the dog is fearful. When I started agility training with my shy guy, people sometimes exclaimed that I was so patient with him. My response was always the same -- “What choice do I have?” Impatience, frustration, anger, being upset, etc. would only make his fears, worries and lack of trust worse. My mantra as I worked long and hard with that dog was “He’ll always be who he is.” He was never outgoing or even “normal.” However, who he was turned out to be pretty wonderful, amazingly brave as he faced the huge, scary world and my heart dog.

 

These are very early days for you and your girl. With patience, persistence and time, I think you can help her become a more confident, trusting, happy dog. Right now I would think of your dog as a prison camp survivor. I am not putting down the shelter, which I know nothing about. But as others have said 7 months in a shelter for any dog is an ordeal and for a sensitive dog, it is incredibly traumatic. Give it time.

[bcnewe2]

I didn't read all the responses but I wanted to add what worked for us. My pup had never been in a house or around people. She was only 4 months old but past the point of early socialization.

We are pretty matter of fact in my family. I use treats for some stuff but not all the time. Potty training but not coming in the house. I kept a light weight long line at the door. She was hooked up every time we went out. Coming in wasn't an option.

But what gave her most comfort was her crate. We have a big wire crate that I keep right in the middle of the house, we keep all but the door side covered. She spent most of her time in her hidey hole just watching life in the house. Wasn't but a few months and she was out of the crate enjoying her new exciting family life. She will never be the social butterfly some dogs are, but she is comfortable.

It is very overwhelming for some dogs to do minor life things. Coming in is something you just have to do. I never punished just never rewarded for it either. We had so many things to get over she'd of been as huge as a house had I used treats for everything. Matter of fact, no reaction is what worked for us.

good luck, patience and time

[moosikins]

I just realized this week that Callie is beyond terrified of snow plows for no discernible reason beyond that they rumble and make a lot of noise. I'm not going to try to make her less fearful because her terror keeps her from chasing large vehicles, but I did make a concession to our usual "no demon dogs under the bed" rule.

 

She used to hide under the bed when she was scared of various things as a tiny puppy and we decided that she needed to use her crate as her safe place because we got tired of having to lure her out or hear her growling under there for hours. But I made an exception yesterday because she was just beside herself - so even a completely adjusted dog with no abuse history (we got her at 8 weeks old and she was with her mom and siblings in the shelter when we took her) can get scared out of her wits regardless of how well adjusted she is. It's just a scary world for them when they don't understand what's going on!

 

We just made sure that because the plows are pretty constant around her during the winter she has temporary access to where she feels most safe; that's all we can do. You'll do great with your pup - hang in there & good luck!

[D'Elle]

I want to share something and I don't know if it will be helpful or not, but I want to share it anyway.

 

Tessa was not only terrified of every living person, including myself, but she seriously did not trust me. She learned to tolerate my presence relatively quickly (I didn't mess with her much), but there was nothing resembling affection.

 

We decided to adopt her because she became very attached to two things - our furniture and our other dogs. She used to blend herself in among the dogs (I had four at the time) and slip in and out of doors and just try to "hide" among them. She bonded very quickly with Maddie and Dean, and even she and Speedy quickly formed a very peaceable relationship. And I would find her curled up on a chair, her eyes closed, with the only look of peace I would see on her face at the time.

 

I could not put her out even though I realized that she might never be able to form any kind of attachment to any person.

 

I struggled with the decision to adopt her. Somehow I knew it was right to give her a home, but I honestly considered whether or not I would have the understanding and patience to live years with a dog who might never like, much less have anything resembling affection, for me.

 

I made the decision to accept that possibility. I decided that Dean has enough affection for ten dogs and that I was going to accept Tessa for who she was and give her a good home.

 

The very next morning when I woke up there was a dog chin on my knee. Somehow I knew exactly who it was. When she realized that I was awake, she crawled up toward my face, and she rolled right into my arms.

 

I knew right then that everything was going to be OK with us.

 

I am the only person she trusts completely. I literally think she would follow me off a cliff.

 

But I am also convinced that somehow she sensed that I was going to take her as she was. And she responded by giving me the first little bit of her trust.

 

It won't happen that way with every fearful dog, but I do think that acceptance and being willing to meet the dog where he or she is at is a key to starting to move forward . . . .

 

Tessa's love and trust is a gift that I treasure more than almost anything in the world.

LOVE this post. One of the other highly important things I learned in fostering dogs is to accept the dog completely just as he or she is right now. Not to be ambitious for the dog or to be critical or to want the dog to be different. I have also seen a major change occur overnight when I changed my attitude from wanting the dog to be different to accepting who he was in that moment. It happened with a foster of mine very early on when I had just started fostering years ago, and I have always been grateful for the lesson it taught me.

 

I let my most fearful, shut-down puppy-mill (read: the worst concentration camp you can imagine) survivor foster dog, Kelso, go to the people who adopted him because in addition to being clearly good and gentle people with the means to give him a good home, they stated unequivocally that they did not care whether or not he ever became any more outgoing than he was the day they met him. They loved him just as he was, right then. And, while he is not ever going to be the friendliest dog on earth, he now can meet strangers and go to new places without any fear at all. That acceptance makes a huge difference.

 

But what gave her most comfort was her crate. We have a big wire crate that I keep right in the middle of the house, we keep all but the door side covered. She spent most of her time in her hidey hole just watching life in the house. Wasn't but a few months and she was out of the crate enjoying her new exciting family life. She will never be the social butterfly some dogs are, but she is comfortable.

That is exactly what Kelso's adoptive folks did for him, and it worked wonders. He had a safe refuge at all times, and it helped him to become more confident.

[GentleLake]

Hoping that Sugarpup will update this and tell us how Freyja's doing . . .

[sugarpup]

Freyja is doing quite well, I would say the news is quite good. I appreciate all the suggestions and have taken a few of them and implemented them; I have considered them all but of course i do what my gut says is right for her.

 

After that 3 1/2 hour wait for her to come back in the house, I almost put the long lead on her. I already had it prepared but I suddenly and clearly felt that was the wrong thing for her. Instead I just let her come in of her own accord. Because the weather was cold I would periodically open the door and walk away and she would stand front feet in the house, back feet on the deck until she could bring herself to come through. If she couldn't do it, and retreated, I would close the door and try again in a few minutes. Each time it took less time for her to come in. We are now down to a few seconds, and today she tried to get in at the same time as Bogart and they did that thing that looks like two fat people trying to get through the doorway at once.

 

She was thrown off the other day though when my son was in the kitchen and she didn't realize it until she was almost in the house and that made her flip out a little bit and it took another 10 minutes for her to work up the courage to come in. She does not like surprises, but most of all she does not like to be trapped/constrained/contained. She really hates the leash but once it's on she puts up with it and will walk loose leash at heel.. But she really does not enjoy the walks at all. She spends the entire time watching me and it looks like no time enjoying the surroundings.

 

I contacted the shelter, to ask more questions about her schedule, history and what she was afraid of and what she was not. I found out that the next step for her, if she didn't work out with us, would be euthanization. They normally do not kill dogs, but they felt that if she was ever to return to the shelter it would be kinder to kill her. I was dismayed to hear this so i have to make it work.

 

I did find out that the shelter director believes that Freyja was truly feral and never was in a house situation. She was running with a male dog, probably a sibling, and he is still at large all these months later. Now that must be a very smart border collie.

 

She has a safe place to hide in the house if she wants to, there's a corner in our bedroom where two pieces of furniture are perpendicular to one another and it creates a den like area open at the top and each dog that has lived in this house coveted that spot. Except Bogart who has no unwarranted fear in his nature and will sleep deeply anywhere he wants. Crating is not something that I do. I know others think it is wonderful but the only time that Bogart has ever cried and whimpered was when shortly after we got him he had to go to the crate while we went shopping. His previous owners had crated him a lot. He was used to it but it made him very sad. My husband said "never again." Bogart has never violated our trust and behaves perfectly while we are gone. Just how we do it here, no judgements on others.

 

Freyja is still concerned about the men, however tossing small pieces of food toward her when they are in the area makes them more interesting to her and less scary. I put a worn shirt of both of them in her special corner. I will just take my time. The last few days she has played boisterously with Bogart no more than five or 6 feet away from my husband, which tells me that she is much less fearful than she was.

[bcnewe2]

I know you think crate is not a good thing but for a dog like this it can be the difference between hiding in a back bedroom and staying out where they can at least see life going by.

I don't crate my dogs either. Except one has a hidey hole (a soft sided crate that is never shut up) by our bed that he can't sleep without and I gave Faye back her crate because she had taken up chewing strange items that might hurt her. She and dew can fight over said crate and if given her choice of crate or no crate when napping soundly she'll pick the crate everytime. They do not see it as a cage they see it as a den.

[sugarpup]

Hi bcnewe2

She has the safe spot available. So far she has not used it except to sleep at night. She stays with us in the main living area. She has the choice of where to spend her time. Mostly she stays with me or Bogart.

 

Bogart did not see it as a den, it was an unhappy cage to him but i didnt teach him, he came to us already "crate trained". As i said, no judgements on those that use them, but fans of crates, please dont judge me if i do not.

[jvw]

Hey thanks for the update! I've been thinking about how she was doing. Best of luck to you!

[borasaurus]

I stopped using a crate for my dog because he never went in it and we can trust him around the house (it took up so much space). Instead, I got a small dog tent at the pet store. It's pretty cute, dare I say, and really comfortable with a bed placed in it; it has a zip up window on each side and a zip up door (pretty sure it's for actual camping, but what the hey). Kieran loves it. Just a suggestion for Freyja.

[moosikins]

So glad to see a great update! Maybe Bogart will teach her by example that the guys are okay. I bet it's so relieving to see some improvement from her and I think you're very kind for not giving up on her. Tough dogs aren't for everyone and it's heartwarming that you've decided to continue being patient with her and improving her life.

 

My friends took in a truly feral dog just over a year ago and he's become the most domestic beast you could ever meet. He sits on the back of their sofa and looks out of the window (and he's not a small animal...close to 80 lb of sofa crushing fluff), runs about in the back yard and occasionally bolts out of the front door only to return happily seconds later to run them over in the doorway, and generally acts like they've had him forever. He was very fearful and aggressive at first, so you wouldn't even believe it's the same dog.

[sugarpup]

A major breakthrough this morning! Freyja has been very good about coming in with Bogart, and if I leave the door open she comes in quite promptly, most of the time, unless there's a man somewhere where she could see, hear or smell him!

 

Today, she actually scratched at the door WISHING to come in!! Bogart had come in a few minutes before but she was afraid to, so I just let her stay out. I was going to the door to try again, when I heard her scratching! It probably seems a very small thing but this is the first time she is chosen to come in without following Bogart or being coaxed!

 

Small victory!

 

Attached a picture of Freyja and Bogart. She loves him!

[Maxi]

fantasic.. sounds much more than a 'small' victory to me.

 

Freyja must be starting to realise that she has found herself a great home and family to be part of.

[gcv-border]

Wonderful news!

[Shetlander]

Great to hear! Love the photo. So sweet.

[Cass C]

Congratulations! That is a huge step in the right direction!

[etlai]

The reward from perserverence is a sweet one! And well done to you, Freyja!

[alligande]

That is good news